Tag Archives: jamaica jokes

Leroy’s Homework

Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy’s homework assignment.
He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence ..*

1. Hotel – I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.

2. Dictate – My girfriend say my dictate good.

3. Catacomb – I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.

4. Foreclose – If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.

5. Rectum – I had two Cadillac’s, but my bitch rectum both.

6. Disappointment – My parole officer tol’ me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

7. Penis – I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.

8. Israel – Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, “man, it look fake.” He say, “Bullshit, that watch israel”…..

9. Undermine – There’s a fine lookin’ ho who live in the apartment  undermine.

10. Acoustic – When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall.

11. Iraq – When we got to the poolhall, I tol’ my uncle, iraq, you break.

12. Stain – My momma in law stopped by and I axed her, “You plan on  stain for dinner?”

13. Fortify – I axed this ho on da street, “how much?” she  say “fortify.”

14. Income – I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife.

All A U life

A pastor visiting from England asked a Jamaican dread to carry him fishing one day. Before beginning their journey the pastor asked if the dread prayed. “No iyah, man no fi pray”, replied the dread. “Quarter of you life gone my brother, quarter of you life gaun”, answered the pastor and they took off on the dread’s boat. At lunchtime the pastor took out his lunch to eat and asked the dread if he ate pork. “No iyah, man nuh fi eat pork”, replied the dread. “Hauf of you life gone my brother, hauf of you life gaun”, answered the pastor in return. After a while the boat developed problems and started to sink. The dread asked the pastor: “Can you swim?” The pastor replied: “No I can’t swim”. To this the dread said (feigning the English accent): “Well…whole of your life gaun my brother, whole of your life gone!”

Glad To Meet The Devil

This woman had a husband who had come home drunk every payday. He had to walk past a graveyard to reach home. She decided to scare him out of his bad ways so one payday she put a white sheet over herself and hid in the graveyard. As he was passing she jumped out into the road and at the top of her voice shouted: “Ahoooooooo! Ahoooooooo!”. Staggering and with slurred speech the man peered at the figure and said: “Who the hell is that?” “I am the devil”, she replied. The man smiled broadly and advanced with hand outstretched: “Damned pleased to meet you. I’m Harold Jones. I married your sister.”