How to get a wife.....the BIBLICAL WAY... - Jamaica Talk

LuvJamaicanMen · #1 (**permalink**) 07-01-2005, 10:32 AM

The Top 16 Biblical Ways To Acquire A Wife

15. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
- Deuteronomy 21

14. Find a prostitute and marry her.
- Hosea (Hosea 1)

13. Find a woman with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock..
- Moses (Exodus 2)

12. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
- Boaz (Ruth 4)

11. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
- Benjaminites (Judges 21)

10. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
- Adam (Genesis 2)

9. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
- Jacob (Genesis 29)

8. Cut off 50 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
- David (1 Samuel somewhere)

7. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative off course.)
- Cain (Genesis 4)

6. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
- Xerxes or Atrahasis (Esther 1)

5. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
- Samson (Judges 14)

4. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though). - David (2 Samuel 9)

3. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

2. Don't be so picky. Make for quality with quantity.
- Solomon (1 Kings 11)

1. A wife?...NOT!!!
- Paul (I Corinthians 7)

Tia · #2 (**permalink**) 07-01-2005, 01:10 PM

was paul born without hormones?

i'm glad it's 2005 and i don't have to worry about some strange man snatching me up from a party or buying me with some land. geez!

Groovy144 · #3 (**permalink**) 07-01-2005, 01:40 PM

Okay...this is funny...

dudley one · #4 (**permalink**) 07-01-2005, 01:44 PM

hmmm wife taking/snatching the old way eh? try that now you'll either go to jail or shuteye country.

LuvJamaicanMen · #5 (**permalink**) 07-01-2005, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dudley one

hmmm wife taking/snatching the old way eh? try that now you'll either go to jail or shuteye country.

I know right!!!!...lol

GhettoGurl · #6 (**permalink**) 01-12-2007, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LuvJamaicanMen

The Top 16 Biblical Ways To Acquire A Wife

15. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
- Deuteronomy 21

14. Find a prostitute and marry her.
- Hosea (Hosea 1)

13. Find a woman with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock..
- Moses (Exodus 2)

12. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
- Boaz (Ruth 4)

11. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
- Benjaminites (Judges 21)

10. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
- Adam (Genesis 2)

9. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
- Jacob (Genesis 29)

8. Cut off 50 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
- David (1 Samuel somewhere)

7. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative off course.)
- Cain (Genesis 4)

6. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
- Xerxes or Atrahasis (Esther 1)

5. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
- Samson (Judges 14)

4. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though). - David (2 Samuel 9)

3. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

2. Don't be so picky. Make for quality with quantity.
- Solomon (1 Kings 11)

1. A wife?...NOT!!!
- Paul (I Corinthians 7)

Alex Look