A jealous husband hires a private detective to follow his wife and check on her movements.
The husband explains to the P.I., that he wanted more than just a written report, he wanted a video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returns with the evidence.
They sit down together, and begin to watch the action. Although the quality has much to be desired, the husband sees his wife meeting another man!
He watches as they frolic and laugh at the park. He's mesmerized as they enjoy themselves at an outdoor cafe and then dancing in a dimly lit nightclub.
By the end of the video, he witnesses this stranger and his wife participating in over a dozen different activities, and all with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband says.
"What's not to believe" says the P.I.. It's all right here on the video!"
The husband replies, "I never knew that my wife could be so much fun!"
__________________ "Please put down your guns and use words instead. Words might hurt - but they don't kill."
# LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
# LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
# MARRIAGE - When you lose each other in a crowded room.
# LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
# LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
# MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?
# LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
# LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
# MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.
# LOVE - When you share everything you own.
# LUST - When you steal everything they own.
# MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
# LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
# LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
# MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to complain.
# LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
# LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
# MARRIAGE - When all you write are checks.
# LOVE - When your proud to be seen in public with your partner.
# LUST - When you only see each other naked.
# MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.
# LOVE - When nobody else matters.
# LUST - When nobody else knows.
# MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.
# LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
# LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
# MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.
# LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
# LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
# MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.
# LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
# LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
# MARRIAGE - What's a climax?
__________________ "Please put down your guns and use words instead. Words might hurt - but they don't kill."
There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down the side of a burning building.
There were ten men and one woman. They all decided that one person should let go, because if not, the rope would surely break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go, so finally the only woman shared her thoughts.
She says, she would give up her life to save the others. She continues by saying, "Throughout history, women were accustomed to giving up things for their husbands, their children, and men in general, while receiving nothing in return".
When she had finished speaking, all the men applauded.
Never under-estimate the power of a Woman
__________________ "Please put down your guns and use words instead. Words might hurt - but they don't kill."
A jealous husband hires a private detective to follow his wife and check on her movements.
The husband explains to the P.I., that he wanted more than just a written report, he wanted a video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returns with the evidence.
They sit down together, and begin to watch the action. Although the quality has much to be desired, the husband sees his wife meeting another man!
He watches as they frolic and laugh at the park. He's mesmerized as they enjoy themselves at an outdoor cafe and then dancing in a dimly lit nightclub.
By the end of the video, he witnesses this stranger and his wife participating in over a dozen different activities, and all with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband says.
"What's not to believe" says the P.I.. It's all right here on the video!"
The husband replies, "I never knew that my wife could be so much fun!"
Little Johnny and his father went into a local drug store to pick up a prescription. While in the store Little Johnny looked around and came upon a rather large display for condoms. He looked at all the brightly colored packages and the different types and the different quantities. He went to his father and asked, "Daddy, what are these condoms?"
His father stuttered, and said, "They are for protection from diseases when a man and a woman make love."
Little Johnny contemplated the concept for a few moments and then asked, "Then, why do these come in a package of three?"
His father coyly answered, "Those are for young men in high school. One for Friday night, one for Saturday night and one for Sunday afternoon.
"UH-HUH" said Little Johnny, "Then why are these in packages of six?"
His father smirked, "Those are for young men in college. There are two for Friday night, two for Saturday night and two for Sunday afternoon."
"WOW" said Little Johnny in amazement, then he asked, "Why are these packaged a dozen at a time?"
"Those, my son are for married men. One for January, one for February......" his father answered.
__________________ "Please put down your guns and use words instead. Words might hurt - but they don't kill."
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.
As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"
The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."
The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."
__________________ "Please put down your guns and use words instead. Words might hurt - but they don't kill."
jokey jokes
Thats a good ONE....
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