Amnesia

Frequently, a normal, intelligent person loses grasp of all his faculties when in the presence of a computer.

• Customer: "Now what do I do?"
• Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
• Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
• Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
• Customer: "How do you spell that?"

I had a secretary with a three letter power-on password. She forgot it after our one week vacation over the Christmas/New Year holiday. I keep a master list of passwords locked in a file cabinet, organized by building, room, and initials. Next to her three letter initials was her three letter password. They were identical.

• Customer: "I've lost the number for my second line, the one I call you on. Can you tell me what it is?"

• Tech Support: "Can I get your phone number starting with the area code?"
• Customer: "I left that at home."

• Tech Support: "Thank you for calling; may I have your area code and phone number please?"

Silence.

• Tech Support: "May I have your area code and phone number please?"
• Customer: "I just have a question."
• Tech Support: "Ok, how can I help you?"
• Customer: "How do I find out my area code?"

• Tech Support: "May I have your area code and phone number please?"
• Customer: "92251."
• Tech Support: "No, that's your zip code; I need your area code."

• Tech Support: "Can I get your phone number starting with the area code?"
• Customer: "You don't have it?"
• Tech Support: "No I don't, but could I get it from you?"
• Customer: "Ok, but I don't think my modem is working."
• Tech Support: "No, could you please tell it to me verbally."
• Customer: "Is that what the 'V' in my 'PB24DBFV' is?"
• Tech Support: "Sort of, but could you just say your phone number over the phone now?"
• Customer: "Ooohhhh, ok..."

I had a customer with a problem getting his mouse to work. So I tried asking him about his COM port settings and so forth.

• Tech Support: "Ok, do you have a internal modem?"
• Customer: "I don't know."
• Tech Support: "Um...do you have a modem at all?"
• Customer: "I call the Internet sometimes."
• Tech Support: "Do you plug a phone line directly into the back of the computer?"
• Customer: "Yes."
• Tech Support: "Ok. And is this a serial mouse that isn't working?"

I explained to him what a serial mouse was, and he agreed that his mouse was a serial mouse.

• Tech Support: "Ok, do you know what COM port your mouse uses?"
• Customer: "No."
• Tech Support: "Ok, well do you know what COM port your modem uses?"
• Customer: "No."
• Tech Support: "Uh, do you have any other serial devices that plug into the machine, like a graphics pad, external modem, etc?"
• Customer: "I don't know."
• Tech Support: "Uh. Well, I'm gonna have to guess here, but your mouse should be on COM 1, and your modem is probably set for COM 2."
• Customer: "What do you mean guess? I told you everything you need to know! Now quit messing around and just tell me what I need to do to fix it!"

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"Please put down your guns and use words instead. Words might hurt - but they don't kill."





R.K.M.I.S.