Something for your Christmas Spirit - Jamaica Talk

HairyCaveman · #1 (**permalink**) 11-27-2007, 01:23 PM

THE ONION AND THE CHRISTMAS TREE

The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father,
"Dad,
how many kinds of boobies are there?" The father, surprised, answers,
"Well son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's
breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they
are
like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like
onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them, and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, "Mom, how
many types of "willies" are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and
answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties,
his willie
is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it's
like
a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a
Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree??"

"Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

JamCan · #2 (**permalink**) 11-27-2007, 01:27 PM

Heeeeeheeeee hahahahahahhaha hhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

JamCan · #3 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 11:27 AM

LOL.............

JamCan · #4 (**permalink**) 12-20-2007, 02:12 PM

HAPPY HOLIDAY FRUITCAKE

With the holidays coming, here's a fruitcake recipe that will help take the stress out of this normally stressful time.

Ingredients:

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
5 cups of all purpose flour
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
3 oz lemon juice
1 cup nuts
1 gallon of Vodka

1. Sample the vodka to check for freshness.
2. Take out a large bowl.
3. Check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
4. Pour 1 level cup of the vodka and drink it.
5. Repeat.
6. Repeat again.
7. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
8. Add water, eggs and 1 teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
9. Check to make sure the vodka is still okay.
10. Cry another cup.
11. Turn off mixers.
12. Chuck in a cup of dried fruit or something.
13. Mix on the turner.
14. If the fried fruit gets struck on the beaters, pry it loose with a Screwscriver.
15. Sample the vodka to check for tonsistancity.
16. Next, sniff 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
17. Check the vudka.
18. Now sniff the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
19. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something.
20. Whatever.
21. Grease the oven.
22. Turn the cake tin 350 degrees.
23. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
24. Whip the bowl out the window.
25. Check the vodka again.
26. Go to bed.
27. Who likes ****ing fruitcake anyway?

JamCan · #5 (**permalink**) 12-20-2007, 02:14 PM

There will be no Nativity Scene in Ottawa, Canada this year! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Canada's capital this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capital,let alone a virgin.

P.S. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

D-Rock · #6 (**permalink**) 12-20-2007, 02:54 PM

Lmao!!!!!!

Samba · #7 (**permalink**) 12-20-2007, 05:00 PM

These Canadians!!

Nanoose · #8 (**permalink**) 12-22-2007, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samba

These Canadians!!

I don’t get it unless that’s a picture of a Canadian in
a snow storm at a railroad crossing.
Cheers and Merry Christmas!

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