A few tips for newcomers to this beautiful resort

1. It is safe to leave your security-guarded all-inclusive hotel. You can even venture past their little patch of sand without being shot or raped.

2. Any price given to you in American dollars means you'll be paying ten times as much as you should be. Use Jamaican dollars.

3. Hustlers shouting at you as you peacefully try to walk past are just using their unique Jamaican sales pitch. Your their only source of income and you buying a bracelet means their taxi home. Be patient but if they get nasty tell them to F*** off.

4. If you want stuff from fish, vegetable or craft markets send a jamaican friend. Otherwise if your black and foreign and dont walk fast (a dead giveaway) just keep your mouth shut and point to what you want - you may get away with paying double. If your white and foreign be resigned to the fact you'll be paying quadruple. In any event if your suddenly surrounded by a crowd of people dont panic. They dont want to eat you they just want to persuade you to spend every dollar you have on them.

5. If you stop to tickle and stroke the cute puppies as you walk by, be aware that everyone will be looking on you in disgust and calling you dirty and nasty.

6. Be aware of common hustle introductory lines. Here are a few:

Hey I remember you! I met you last year, last week, last night (TRUST ME YOU HAVENT MET THEM BEFORE)
Hey sweetie, hey sugar can I walk with you/do you want a ride/can I talk to you/can i have one moment/can i talk to you/do you want some help putting that packet of soup in your shopping trolley/can i be your friend/your first time in jamaica? (these last 2 are especially dangerous as 'friend' here means your having rampant sex with them. Revealing its your 1st time is like getting into shark-infested waters while your bleeding).

All these lines are preludes to gaining as much information as they can so they can assess the possibility of draining your resources - financial or sexual.

7. If you choose to go ahead and indulge in a bit of 'romance' accept that if you dont pay everything you wont get past a 2nd date. By the end of the first week after a bit of rapport is established they will have some catastrophe strike them or their family and they will need some money. Its usually a dying grannie or sick baby sister or something to tug the heartstrings. If they are really slow they'll wait till you leave and have already swapped numbers and undying love before letting you know how to use Western Union.

8. Dont accept anything someone gives you - they will demand money for it afterwards e.g. you took something so you owe them.

9. Guys - if you buy a Jamaican girl a drink at one of the resort nitespots that means youve bought her and will have to take her home for the night. Otherwise you will be chased and harassed by her pimp who you didnt even know was there.

10. Girls - that ancient, toothless Rasta in a string wife-beater holding a machete calling you over to talk to him really does expect you to cross a busy road, hope over a fence, fend off barking dogs for the pleasure of talking to him.

11. Every person with a vehicle e.g taxi, car, bus, scooter, bicylce, goat - will stop and offer you a ride. Accept at your own risk but registered taxis have red license plates whilst other cars have white. Ask a price before you get in, get dropped off at the roadside of whever you want to be or theyll charge double to enter the grounds or come off the road (especially Ricks Cafe and The Jungle).

12. Dont tell anyone where you stay. If they think there is even a 1% chance of having sex, getting money or even a beer from you they will set up a tent outside your hotel and warn everyone off that your their friend.

Now go and have fun!

Please note this refers to resort life not Jamaican life.

That #4 can be unnerving. Happened to me a few times. You're talking to one fellow...negotiating...when suddenly and quickly you find yourself surrounded by a pack. I'm a big guy and feel confident that I can handle myself in terse situations, but it does make you very uncomfortable to have someone (or 2 or 3 someones) suddenly come up behind you, trapping you...especially when you're behind the bars and shops lining the beach...it's a whole other world back there.

DEADING!!!!! Even I called my friend Debbie dirty and nasty for doing it! LOLLOL

ROTFL this includes going for walks! If they go for a walk with you they STILL want you to pay them!!

Otherwise.....I just walk to the Jungle and call friends for rides

__________________

LS you crack me up sometimes. Nice!

__________________
If you've never stared off in the distance, then your life is a shame...

We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive

This is a fun thread! And sadly, its pretty much true

__________________

I've only visited, Negril. So, I'll take your word for it!

__________________
If you've never stared off in the distance, then your life is a shame...

We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive

AHAHHAH thank you very much !
I laughed a lot and on the other side I believe you it is true (hopefully going to Jamaica this weekend, so very nervous, anxious , curious and happy
I m going to MOntego Bay, but havent book any hotel yet, do you know any budget hotel for a single person? In montego or around, I ve heard Negril is very chilled and nice, and less touristic that MOntego

Cheers!
Silvana

Hotel Glorianna . . . about $40 per night -- within walking distance of the Hip Strip.

__________________

I can't believe you're going THIS weekend and have no plans on where to stay!!! Only I would do something like that LOLOL.

Negril has lots of cheap little spots too. Check Negril.com

__________________

in negril, try rondel village. Negril Jamaica Hotel Resort Inn - Rondel Village.

__________________

Rondel isn't cheap though. White Sands is cheap:

www.whitesandsjamaica.com

Lazy Dayz is cheap too:

Lazy Dayz - Negril - Jamaica

__________________

OMG... this is hilarious... I still haven't stopped laughing! i don't know if it was intentionally funny... but I found it hysterically funny!

__________________

"Your dreams do not have to come at the expense of my dreams..." Barack Obama

LOL which part???

__________________

rondel is pretty cheap. i stayed there for like $75/night my last stay. what do u consider cheap?

__________________

$40-$50 a night.

__________________