heeheehee hahahahahhaaha I love the women of ETJ.

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Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

I'm hoping that my correspondence made it into the right hands at the Embassy and I won't have to worry about his Visa, let alone permanent citizenship . . .

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I guess we'll find out tomorrow.

They ripped on her cause I think it hit a little too close to home for some of them. That says it all, I think. Lilly, you are strong and beautiful and I love you, girl.

Uuuuuggggghhhhh.

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Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Lily, I read your story on VJ and again here - I am sharing mine in the hopes that it might give you some comfort. I am a long time lurker here, because JA has become one of my fav vacation spots (going to Ochi in Jan). However, I also still lurk once in a while on VJ - I joined that site when I was going through the fiance visa process with a man from another Caribbean island.

To give you the shortened version of my long emotional visa journey - I fell madly in love with this man - many trips back and forth, and everything was unbelievable between us - I kept thinking I was crazy to go through the visa process, but all my friends who met the man reassured me that I was crazy not to, because he obviously loved me. So, he proposed (ring and all) and we filed.

The visa was approved, and I went down for his interview - we were approved. The day before I was to return home (he was going to come after spending the holidays with his family), I found a piece of paper on the floor when I woke up in the am - I thought someone threw a note through the gate, so I picked it up - to my shock, it was a letter from another woman that had fallen out of my fiance's bag - Proof to me that he had been cheating on me - I confronted him with it, he denied it, told me she was crazy, etc.... All that I wanted was for him to be honest with me, and I knew in my gut that he wasn't - I believed that if he told me the truth, maybe we could get through it - But I got on that plane to return home, not having a clue of whether or not I was walking away from my heart and whether I would or would not see him again. I was numb the whole way home - didn't know what I was going to do.

Once I was home, he ran hot and cold - one day begging me to give him a chance, the next day brutal - I told him that the ring would stay on my finger until the expiration date of his visa - and he had till then to come clean to me and maybe we could have a chance. Much to my surprise, I discovered that I was pregnant (despite birth control). When I called to tell him, I could hear pure coldness in his voice - before I could say anything, he told me he was done with me and walking away - to which I blasted back that then he was walking away from his child, and hung up on him (not the way I planned to tell him, lol - but my temper took over).

So, for several months, we went back and forth - I begged him to come so that we could see what would happen, and at least work out how we would be parents together, if not more - I finally shut myself off from him - I couldn't take the stress, or the telling me he would call and then not receiving a call. At about 6 months pregnant, I booked a flight back - I was going to sit down with him face to face and fight it out - I was fighting for my family. The day before I was to leave, I received two emails from him - One was a plea, begging me to give him a chance - the other was a random forward to a bunch of people. One of the email names was the same name as the woman who had written the letter I had found. So, I emailed her. If he wouldn't give me the truth, maybe she would.

Much to my surprise, I got a TON more information than I had ever expected - Yes, he had cheated with this woman - even took her to meet his mother while I was wearing his ring, and proposed to her (while engaged to me). There were other women involved as well. Surprisingly, in this situation, the women were all intelligent and cordial and respectful to each other - he was the one at fault, not us - Through emails back and forth, we pieced together his stories, and what he told all of us - And we all believed each other, with the exception of his current woman who lived in the US (opposite side from me). She still believed his lies - At that, I put a package together, including all the evidence that I had, and sent it off to every location I could think of - USCIS, NVC, the embassy, ICE, etc.... I received a response back from the embassy that his visa had been returned to the service center for denial, based on my info - Still to this day not sure if there was another woman there or if it was the current one who filed for him.

I ended up having a beautiful baby boy who was the light of my life - Despite the fact that he looked just like his father. My ex would call now and again when he thought of it - Two days after his birthday, at 5 am, at 1 am - always on his schedule and showing no consideration for the fact that I was a single working mom with an infant. For a while, I dealt with him, and my response to his empty promises was to back it up with actions, that the words meant nothing to me - but he never did. It got to the point that I just ignored him - I had to do what was best for my family.

When my son was 18 months old, we were broadsided by a drunk driver - my son was killed. It took me a year of grieving and thought before I got to the point where I realized that I had to confront my ex face to face and tell him what had happened - so I went back to the island. I didn't let him know I was coming, just showed up and called him once there - We spent alot of time together on that trip - alot of grieving and I thought alot of honesty - He told me that he had just gotten his visitor's visa, and was planning to come and find me and his son and do right by us - I truly believed after that trip that he really did love me, that things had just gotten out of hand. When I left the island I was in a good place.

Then the phone calls started - and I started falling for the lines again - I thought that maybe he had changed and matured. Much to my shock, I received an email from one of the women he had cheated on me with - she thought that I should know, for the sake of my son, that he had left the island, and she had heard he had moved to Sweden to get married - she didn't know anything that had happened in the past year. I next got an email from his sister in law that he called her and he was in her state - I pieced it together, and realized that he was with one of the women from before - So I emailed her and told her everything that had happened. She didn't believe me again, and he sent me an email about how he was giving life w/ this woman a chance- never once said that he loved her - and couldn't give me a straight answer about why he lied - tried to say he didn't want to hurt me and we were friends - bunch of bs -

Fast forward a few months, this man is in the states with this woman - and I start receiving numerous blocked calls, text messages begging me to talk to him, telling me he screwed up, he loves me, etc.... And then he showed up one morning on my doorstep. I don't know what he has told the other woman, I don't care - I gave her the info, what she does with it is her doing - I have washed my hands of the whole situation. To this day, I don't doubt that he loves me - I just think he loves himself and the game more.

Lily, even after all that I have been through, I still believe that everything happens for a reason, and God doesn't give you anything that you can't handle - The reason might not be clear to you at the moment of why this man came into your life, but it will be eventually. He is not done, and if the other woman goes forward with his visa, it will be her cross to bear - You will come out of this stronger and better than you were before, and time will heal what seems like an impossible wound. Take it from someone who has been there - it does get better.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me. (and reading back, that wasn't so short, lol!)

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Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

RD,
I dont know who you are but I have to admit, your story has touched me deeply.
I have no idea why God allowed you to experience only a brief moment with your son but as you have noted, the whole experince has made you stronger.

Even though you have been fair by declaring that this loser was not from Jamaica, such tales of woe only serve to bolster my well-known opposition to many of these relationships.

My deepest sympathies to many such victims who fell prey to us vultures, simply becuase you chose to follow your hearts.\

God Bless.

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Productive,objective, mental, spiritual and intellectual enhancement fosters personal enrichment.
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I have my position on them too and the more I hear the worse it gets. But lets face it, I've been a skeptic since my 2nd trip back in 2004. And my suspicions were correct enough to never bother with dem again.

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Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Kudos to you Reggae diva. Keep him where he is...far away.

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One World, One People

The opinions expressed by Samba are not the official opinions of ETJ or its owners.

Thank you for your kind words - I feel that I need to clarify, though - my post was not meant to be a downer on these relationships - I believe with all my heart that you can't predict where or how you will find love and the relationships can work - In fact, one of my dearest friends is from South Africa - She met her husband through a mis-addressed email, within 6 months married the man and moved to the US - they have been married 9 years now, are the parents of beautiful twins, and the happiest couple that I know.

Scammers and liars are everywhere - even my experience would not make me close myself off to finding love from another country - it would make me step very cautiously, but not stop me -

I don't doubt for a second that my ex loved me and loves me to this day - he just does not have the capacity to be faithful - a trait that you can find anywhere - I never gave him money, he's not from a third world country, he had a good job - and if he were using me for the visa, he had it approved -

I just think that the distance makes it easier to lie, if the man or woman is going to lie and play games - Anyone entering into such a relationship needs to do so with their eyes wide open - visit without planning it, call at unexpected times - show up out at the club to surprise your sweetie when they think you are in the US, etc... But I wouldn't tell anyone not to do it - just tread wisely.

Oh I agree with you Diva. And that's just my opinion, I know similar relationships that are going strong too. its just not for me.

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Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

All of what you say is true. Scammers are near and far.

But you dont go to a nightclub if you wish to meet and fall in love with a bible-believing devoted christian man; neither do you light a match in the dark just so you can peer down into your gas tank.

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Productive,objective, mental, spiritual and intellectual enhancement fosters personal enrichment.
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I'm so sorry, RD. You have my upmost respect for your courage throughout that whole ordeal. Especially thank you for sharing it with Lilly. She's taken a lot of bashing for doing the right things in her situation. I hope that when life throws me curves I am as strong and as courageous as both of you.

Are you saying that men you meet at nightclubs are doomed to a sad and lonely life? Just like there are players our there, Alex, good, kind, honest men do sometimes go to nightclubs.