I have a friend who’s sister just had a baby, her sister is unmarried and that caused a lot of friction in their family. I am a product of this as well my parents were not married when I was conceived. I remember growing up here in CANADA I bared the feeling of shame for my parents not being married. I remember in school being asked if my parents where married before I was born and then being told that I was illegitimate that word hurt me so much it was like a knife tearing me up. So I want to ask what are your views should people be having children without being married first?



Please cast your votes

The question is not if you should get married if/when you become pregnant. The question is people be having children out of wedlock..ie planning to have children without being married!!!!

Pye, all of my children were born out of wedlock. I didn't marry their father until after my son was born. I don't really know how to answer this question because I've seen people get married for the sake of giving their child a "name" when it wasn't the wisest thing to do. I don't see the sens it makes to get married for all the wrong reasons.
My children all know who they are. I hope this makes sense.

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My view on this is:

People should decide what makes them happy. If people should prevent having children out of wedlock that would mean that they would need to prevent having sex outside of marriage (in my opinion).

I have heard of several cases where couples are on contraception and use protection and still end up being pregnant, the majority of them didnt even know that they were having a baby until months later.

Therefore i think the choice should be the couple decision

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One True Original Me Only one year older

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I was born out of wedlock

I would say that a huge population of the world where born outside of wedlock.

When i was 16years old i used to dream about getting married and after im married for a few years then i would try for kids, but as i get older my view changed. If it is my destiny to marry before i have kids then thats what will happen.

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One True Original Me Only one year older

I was born out of wedlock and I don't knock it. I hope I don't have kids out of wedlock, but if it happens....I don't knock it. One thing I know though is that, IMO...I believe life is much better having children within marriage. You get to share responsibilities, finances etc.... sharing is better than doing it by you self any day.

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Yes, they should be married. Pye, I also was born out of wedlock and I dealt with the same feelings when asked that in school. My mother even told me that she was ashamed because her parents were married and she didn't even want to tell my grandmother. But, my grandmother was understanding and supported her decision to have me. The only reason they didn't get married is because he died due to Vietnam before they could. They were high school sweethearts. My mother instilled in me that even though she was a single mother, she never wanted me to be one. I feel that if the man can't commit to be your husband, you shouldn't be bearing children for him.

And, I'll be childless until a man wants to make me his wife. I'm not raising a child alone. Besides, if he ever decides to flip the script and leave, he'll be paying out his a** for the rest of his life. What the courts award to baby's mama's in child support is a damn joke.

I was born with parents that were married and never saw the big deal in it while most of my friends were not. I would like to say though that just because someone is married does not guarantee anything. It does not mean that the woman will still not be raising the child or children alone both emotionally and financially. My father was there but my mom was still a single parent. I often thought that it would be better if they weren't married. Now personally I would like to be married before I decide to have any children but more so to have a man that will take care of his children and share in the parenting. So do I think marriage before children is good yea but only if its a healthy relationship.

A majority of people who replied to this thread seem to be in the same position. Born outside wedlock

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One True Original Me Only one year older

you've made a good point there

We are on the same wave length, knowing your partner and going through counseling before the marriage is important for the marriage. Build up the marrige first, make sure it's strong before you add children into it. Don't have children in the hopes of it healing your marriage. I hate people who think like that, they are going through marital troubles and think that having a child will heal the relationship.

I hear you, Truth, about the man needing to play just as active a role in the upbringing of children. But, even if the husband isn't as active he still believed that the woman he married was worth marrying. Nowadays, men don't even consider marriage before children because women are willing to have children without being a wife first.