Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something; they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. Anthony Robbins.

ETJer's based on the aformentioned quote, when entering any type of relationship do you or have you played a role in being selfless or selfish when it comes to your significant other.

Whether you played a role in both or either did your significant other ever bring it to your attention and if so what was your reaction?

If it was being selfish did you make an effort to try and be a bit more selfless or did you continue on usual?

Thanks for your contribution

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Love the Skin your In!!!!

Unfortunately, im a giver...i say unfortunately because its easy for others to take and not give so easily, but, i guess at the end of the day, it makes me happy to see my fam happy so, giving works for me! Its just hard not to resent the fact that you don't get back the same in return! lol

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Happiness is key, seek it out and claim it as your own!

Too much selfishness will cause you to lose him/her.
Too much selflessness will cause you to lose yourself.

You just have to be aware and strike a happy medium.

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"In this great future, you can't forget your past. " Bob Marley (1945 - 1981)

LB!!! Me too. I sooo feel you on this statement. I think I give waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy too much of my self (be it time, love, monetary or whatever) in any relationship be it family, male/female friends. I dont complain. I can't help it you know it's just inante in me. I have been burned many times yet I still give. I always go into relationships looking to bring an enhance someone else's life. I never go in to take. I guess some of us are just wired that way.

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Love the Skin your In!!!!

True Dat!!!

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Love the Skin your In!!!!

I know my ex man was very much an opportunist. Always looking to get something and never really giving much in return unless it was benefiting himself. Eventually after all the heartache and pain we both decided that being in this relationship was not good at all. He said I was too good for him and he rather end it with me than to keep hurting me. I guess there is some honor in that.

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Love the Skin your In!!!!

Ugh, isn't it most frustrating at times! lol The worst part is, we are geared toward those that we feel we can help...we always want to friggen save somebody! lol When i meet a self sufficient man, i always think, "Well, he won't NEED me, so what good will i be!" What u need to do my gurl, its also unfortunate, but we as women need to realize that a man wants to feel needed also, us independant women have a hard time playing the needy role, but just like we need to feel needed, so do they! Im needy, as far as emotionally, but financially no, and chores, i'll ask once, maybe twice, if nuthin, i'll do it myself! lol

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Happiness is key, seek it out and claim it as your own!

Oh soooo true...Although I am independent. I tell have told them I still need love, attention and intimacy you know. All I ever wanted was to love and be loved back. Sometimes I feel I have even lowered my standards to give a brotha a chance. I dunno maybe there is something to learn in all this madness and once I break this cycle in my life; then I know the lesson has been learned..Then heck it will be something else

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Love the Skin your In!!!!

I am usually the selfless one.....but its really important to find the balance cause if you give too much with out being able to let the other person give back...its not good for anyone.....its funny cause i have a hard time letting my man be the one who gives...its hard to let people do things for me,,,,but i try and let him in order to keep balance

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In my first serious relationship i was very selfless, but i find now i am probably too selfish and expect more than im prepared to give at times!

It definately is about finding balance, but i think many including myself are products of our experiences/environments and i try to prevent certain things reoccuring by altering my own behaviour.

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You took the words right out of my mouth!!!
I can't help but to always give first especially in a relationship. It's really hard for me though. I love to see other people smile and get immense joy out of it but it would be nice to receive every now and again.

My friends tell me to stop giving so much and just receive but I just don't have that kind of luck...sigh. lol

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Keeping it real...

Gurl, i see these demanding, selfish women that get everything they want and i always think, dang, why can't i be like that! Then i see who it is that they're "getting it" from, and im like, nah , im good thanks!

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Happiness is key, seek it out and claim it as your own!

I've always been rather selfless in the past... but I think I always took it overboard... then I would get disappointed when they came to "expect" me to always give... I love to give... but sometimes it is nice to receive as well.

No relationship can be complete without giving and receiving... if one person is constantly doing all the giving and the other all the taking... that isn't a healthy relationship.

To me healthy is a 50/50 situation... give and take...

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Welcome to Cougarville....

So after giving werent you also "expecting" in return? And when those expectations were not met, werent you also dsappointed?

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"In this great future, you can't forget your past. " Bob Marley (1945 - 1981)

I try not to expect anything but what anyone would give...

I mean there comes a time when I am the one who is tired and need to be babied a bit...

Not often but it does happen... so yes... I suppose I do expect someone I am in a relationship with to pamper ME every once in a while...

And I don't feel guilty about that... I think it is something I deserve.

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Welcome to Cougarville....