Okay, so I have been a "guest" on this forum for quite a while, trading about everyone's else situations, and reading their questions and stuff - trying to relate things back to my own curreent situation. Today for some reason though, I'm totally putting myself out there, and posting what's going on. I would really love to hear everyone's thoughts and suggestions...ready...here goes...

I went to Jamaica for the first time in June. Met a guy at the resort. He was part of the activity centre crew. Was very nice, fun, energetic, and of course gorgeous and quite the ladies' man. Anyways, we hung out most of the week, but the near the end of my stay he basically ignored me, saying that I was too much of a flirt and he didn't want that, YET he always had women around him, and flirted like crazy. Anyways, I wrote him a letter our last day there, and gave it to him before leaving.

He called me a week after I left. We talked constantly for a few weeks. Then I returned to Jamaica with my two young kids. He was no longer working at the resort, so I had him stay with us as a guest. He was great with the kids. Three times during our 10 day stay, he tucked us in bed and then left for the disco, didn't come back to the room until after 3 in the morning. Not that I really minded, I wanted him to enjoy himself, but I was hoping he would want to spend time with me...not dancing with other girls. Which is what he loves to do... He did take us off the resort, showed us where he lived, took us shopping and out for dinners - it was a lot of fun.

Again, when I got home, we talked on the phone continually. I just went back to JA last weekend. He spent the weekend at the resort with us again. We had fun. Went to the disco together. He danced a bit with me, but was also living it up with other women at the club - grinding and groping. And they loved it!!! Like I said, he's quite the ladies' man.

Anyways, Saturday night we're in bed, and (I was pretty hammered, he had had a few drinks) anyways, I rolled over and told him that I really liked him. He responded back that he loved me. It took me a few seconds to realize what he had said!! I whipped my head around and said "what did you say", all he said was "you heard me"...I just laughed and said "you're drunk" and then went to bed...

Sorry to keep rambling here but I just want everyone to see the whole picture...I've read a lot online about Jamaican men - how a lot of them are players, they lie and they seem to be unable to be faithful (sorry - just observations from different sites)... I'm not stereotypical or judgemental, but I am worrying that the guy that I'm starting to fall for is exactly like that...

I sent him money about a month ago. Not because he asked, but because I wanted to help him out. I kind of regret sending it now, just because I don't want that to be the reason he is with me. He said thank-you for it, but like it was no big deal. Kind of got me wondering if he has other women sending him stuff.

I don't know - just really confused. My head and my heart are just not in sync at all!!

He wants to come to Canada and was paying some third party to help get him a visa. I suggested he get of the third party, and offered to help him - just research what he needs, go with him if he wants, etc...

Anyways - LOL - sorry to keep you reading on forever...basically I'm just looking for any advice??? Comments...anything!? LOL

Thanks!!!

Welcome.

No one can actually tell you whats going on in this guy's head or heart. After all, we dont know the guy, do we?.
However, based on what you have described he seems to be a real down-to-earth guy. He appears to be showing a lot of his true colors (partying, flirting and groping of other women) but that is no indication that he would try to con you in any way. Maybe he is just a "friendly" sort of guy.

If I was your big brother, my advice to you would be...

If you really do like him, keep a good, clean and 'decent' arms-length relationship with him. Dont be in too much of a hurry to jump into the sack with him. And if you already have, dont let the thought linger nor discuss it with him again.

Keep the level of communciations reasonable; meaning...Dont over-extend yourself by calling him every day or every other day or otherwise over expensing yourself.
Stop telling him that you love him. Its better to let him know that you admire certain qualities about him which has inspired you enough to want to maintain a special (long-distant) relationship with him that you hope MAY one day blossom into something greater.

Dont be in a rush to hurry back to Jamaica to see him either. He has been there all his life and by all expectations, he isnt going anywhere, anytime soon.
While he might appreciate the money you have already sent for him dont repeat it. Make it clear that it was a simple one-time gesture as a sign of good faith in helping out a friend. Dont become his welfare check. Though he most definately appreciate the extra cash, he will respect you more in the long run if you maintain your dignity and sensibility.

As far as his honesty and integrity goes, there is no way that anyone can know if this guy is the real deal or just another playah. Remember, the only mind you can read and heart you can control... is your own.

By nature, men are hunters and in the grand scheme of things they (WE) place the greatest value on things that we work hardest for.

All the best in your endeavors and Welcome to ETJ...again.

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"In this great future, you can't forget your past. " Bob Marley (1945 - 1981)

Honestly, thank-you. The advice you gave was very thoughtful, honest and sincere. And I really appreciate it.

The guy that I was talking about seems like a good guy...most of the time. And common sense says that maybe I should back up from the situation just a bit because I do really like him. But I don't want to get hurt. If he does truly like me, then hopefully it will be proved, and be real...

Just for the record, I have never said that I loved him. When he said it to me, I just kind of laughed and said "you've been drinking". I don't throw the "L" word around lightly...

Jenni, you're asking for thoughts and suggestions, here are mine:

I'm seeing red flags throughout what you posted. I know these types of guys as a result of having spent plenty of time on resorts. I'd bet you a hundred dollars this guy is not sincere ~ sounds like a player to me.

Next time he tells you he loves you, ask him WHY he loves you and then listen carefully. If it doesn't sound as though he loves you for the person you are then beware.

Do NOT send him any more money and let him get his own darn self to Canada if that's what he wants.

He sounds like a charmer and those guys are fun to hang out with for a bit, especially if you're doing things for him, but watch and see what happens when you don't pay his way / give him money etc.

These guys sling the love word around because they think it's what we want to hear. Love is a verb, not just a word. When someone LOVES you, they show you in a thousand different ways, and in my book staying in the disco until 3 a.m. bumping and grinding with other women is not showing love or respect for that matter.

Good luck......................

I don't doubt that he's a player, cause i just don't trust any of those guys around the resort, but wow, i can't believe he didn't glue himself to your hip! Thats a first...hmmm, i don't know about this one...usually the gamers profess their undying love after 2 days, not a few trips!

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Happiness is key, seek it out and claim it as your own!

Your best bet is go with your intuition.
Its usually right.

Asking people on here is like asking for 10 million opinions that make you confused.
Only you know whats right for you.

I can say that I see Red Flags too.

But as said, Your best bet is to go with your gut feeling hun!

Thanks everyone for your replies and advice ... I do appreciate it. I know everyone has different opinions, and that no one on here knows him, so how can they possibly "judge" him. I just wanted to hear what people had to say...

I am thinking about heading back down to Jamaica this weekend for 4 days - just to help him out a bit. More of a "friend" thing to do. Don't intend on sleeping with him, or giving him any more money. He's never asked for money, but I like to help him out if I can...

I also want to talk to him face to face, about saying "I love you". He says it at the end of every phone call now. I don't like throwing those words around, and so I just wawnt to tell him (very nicely LOL) that he doesn't have to say it. And I'd really rather him not say them, until he really truly means them, if ever...

Anyways, just thought I'd give a little update...If anyone has any more advice or anything before Sunday...let me know!

Thanks again!! I'm glad I finally decided to post my story )

My advice would be, DON'T GIVE HIM ANYMORE MONEY!!! WTF, ur not even in a relationship, didn't u say that u had kids, wouldn't u rather spend ur money on them? He's a player and ur spending ur money on him for nothing?? Where, where can i find one like u! lol

__________________
Happiness is key, seek it out and claim it as your own!

If you don't intend to sleep with him OR give him money, what sort of "HELP" are you going down there to give him?

^^^sound like she need a hobby! lol...i gotta a fund that she can donate to!! lol^^^

__________________
Happiness is key, seek it out and claim it as your own!

me tooo.. Help Reeva go to Jamaica fund to see her Fiance. LMAO

OK, here's my 2 cents worth: Re: talking to him about slinging the "love"word around ~ save your breath. If he's like the guys I know, and if he's a player, you won't be able to reason with him. Why? Because he has an agenda. This may be new to you, but I doubt it's new to him. It's how he rolls, with you and with other women.

And regarding helping him: let the man be a man. Why should he need your help? Just my perspective. Good luck.

Men can't need help too?

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"Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake." - Matthew 5 v11 KJV

Very waggish indeed.

No sleeping with him, or giving him cash - by helping him out, I mean with his Visa - filling out paperwork, filing everything at the embassy, etc. etc.

Trust me - I have lots of hobbies, lots going on...

I really like this guy (genuinely). Whether I'm the most naive person on the face of this earth, or just the stupidest, and am getting totally taken advantage of an amazing player...I don't know...