I can relate...my sons were 3 and 9 when I married and it was neither one of their father and although he was there in the house he did not do much so I can say that I did it for all their lives.

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"A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots". Marcus Garvey

At the moment those kinda issues are yet to be addressed (my son is 7), but i always say that im thinking ahead. I am a parent first and foremost because theres no going back once he reaches a particular age as someone mentioned.

I had my son young so my friends are all 'young-ish' so to speak and i do sometimes think my son thinks its ok talk to me in a certain way because he might hear me say something ... HELL NO! We play and mess around but he still needs to know his place.

I think the tough part is finding a balance; my mother was never really approachable and even now she tends to be more wrapped up with her own stuff so ive learnt to trudge through life learning and hopefully getting to grips with parenting as best i can. I want my son to be able to talk to me but still know there are boundaries with what im willing to see, hear and tolerate.

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I am definitely the parent... and I have had to have conversations with Serena (9) this year that I would rather have not had to have for a few more years... but I kept hearing snatches of conversation from her little girlfriends about things that they really had no idea what they were talking about... I just told her the truth... cold hard facts... not that she wanted to hear it... and I told her that if anyone says or does anything that she is curious about... she should come to me... because I am sorry but 9 and 10 year olds don't know JACK... even if they think they do.

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"All around the world, we are gazing skyward, waiting for God... never realizing that God is waiting for us."

Design your own reality.

Wow!! 9/10 yr olds?? ****t!! Its closer than i anticipated...

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Except in rare cases where the child was not raised by the parent, one must first and foremost be a parent to their children.

Being a "friend" to them is secondary and is based on the age of the child. If the child is just beyond the upper teens (18+) and ready for young adulthood, then it is absolutely improtant to generate a friendly decorum with them as they get to that stage of their life where they must make more daily decisions for themselves. At that point, an atmospehere of mentorship is more important than the heavy hand of parenting.

Below that age ground, I think it is less prodcutive and more detrimental to the child's developmnt if too much emphasis is placed on friendship rather than "parentship".

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True loves comes quietly without fanfare or flashing lights. If you hear bells, go get your ears checked.

The universal message I give to my daughter is that all boys (like her Dad) are dogs. Even when their motives are consciously honorable, the beastiality within them will always beg for attention; therfore she must always be on the alert. It means therefore that she must weigh her behavior at all times when in the company of the opposite sex and be aware that she is entirely responsible for her actions and the resulting consequences.

My daughter is 21 years old so this is not the time to discuss the birds and the bees. Nevertheless, she must be aware of my position and my expectations of her, on sexual behavior out of marriage as well as the dangerous mental, physical/medical and social consequences that may result if/when she crosses that line..

I never "buddy-buddy" up to my daughter when having these discussions but ensure that the atmospehere is somewhat relaxed but pleasantly firm. In my book, this is not a trivial issue to pass off lightly.

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True loves comes quietly without fanfare or flashing lights. If you hear bells, go get your ears checked.

Respect Alex I hear ya..that is great coming from a single male parent at the time with raising a little girl.

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"A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots". Marcus Garvey

Good for you Windy...I would have done the same thing. Cuz as you stated she hearing stuff and not sure what it is exactly. It's best to sit her down and tell her from the gate wassup so she can know. I wish I had that coming up...My mom just yelled you betta not bring no damn babies in this house either...lol!!!

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"A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots". Marcus Garvey

I hear ya BB sounds like you got it all under control and keep things in it's proper perspective.

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"A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots". Marcus Garvey

Respects, AT.
My philosophy is...I can't save her from everything but the last thing I want to hear when she slips and fall is "Mi Daddy nevva warned mi 'bout dis".
It's a cold cruel world out there. If the very old, very wise and very seasoned can get used, abused and heart broken, what say a young 'un just stepping out into the world?

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True loves comes quietly without fanfare or flashing lights. If you hear bells, go get your ears checked.

I agree conscience lyrics indeed

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"A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots". Marcus Garvey

LOL.
I used to think that wisdom comes with age. But I have seen some things here in most recent years, make me REALLY have to wonder.

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True loves comes quietly without fanfare or flashing lights. If you hear bells, go get your ears checked.

LOL!! u dont know...I used to think that too..I am 40 and I have a couple of sisters younger than me who gives me wisdom and advice.

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"A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots". Marcus Garvey

I think wisdom comes with experience ... things can happen to anyone at any time in their life, and then their ability to share that experience can come about.

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I think wisdom goes way beyond just experience. Many mature individuals will readily admit that they have been duped time and time again, fell for the same game over and over again and never seem to learn. They exprience all ruight, but no wisdom is gained.
Its not the experience that provides wisdom but the ability to dissect the experiences, determine cause and effect, develop strategies to deal with such things in the future and adapt them to ones own life. We can have a million expereinces but if we learn nothing from them, then wisdom is naught.

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True loves comes quietly without fanfare or flashing lights. If you hear bells, go get your ears checked.