Dealing with a family member who is a substance abuser. - Jamaica Talk

bountyx · #1 (**permalink**) 12-12-2004, 10:01 AM

How do you deal with a family member who is a substance abuser (alchoholic, cocaine, crack etc.)? How can you tell when they have a problem? What can you do to help them?

Blingee$ha · #2 (**permalink**) 12-13-2004, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bountyx

How do you deal with a family member who is a substance abuser (alchoholic, cocaine, crack etc.)? How can you tell when they have a problem? What can you do to help them?

I haven't had a family member, but I used to peer cousel and I had a friend that was, and still is very close to me.... in the same situation. You can tell a person has a "problem" when they prioritze abusing the substance over mostly everything else in their life. You can not help them until they are ready to help themselves though.

This friend used any substance in sight to feel "numb"! One time he took on of those Tropicana juice cartons and poured out 70% of the juice and filled the rest with vodka. When he got so drunk that his eyes were rolling into the back of his head and he couldn't breathe right. I had to beg a peer with a vehicle (in high school) to take him to the hospital because he and when we got there.

I also had to call his parents. I thought they'd be mad at me or blame me... but they know their son and know that he's been doing drugs long before I met him. They were just happy that I was there for him, and that I was responsible enough at 17 to do take him to the hospital and not try and hide matters. They are just happy I did what had to be done, for him to be OK.

I remember they pumped his stomach and ran tests on him and they found out he had weed and cocaine in his system, and that's what caused that reaction. ** he did these drugs before we met up that night, so I didn't know he had those drugs in his body too**

I tried to talk to him all the time. It's just that... you can't help them see anything.... when these people are ready to, they will stop. They will loose something, or something will happen to make them stop... hopefully before they die from the abuse to their bodies.

This guy is still using drugs and alcohol recreationally, which I wish he wouldn't ... but I can't stop him, he seems to be able to control it more now. He just does it in moderation this is what he tells me, but he doesn't realise what WE went through watching him OD 6 years ago... and it's still fresh as hell in my mind when I think about it, like it was last night.

I just try to be there for him so that when other people aren't... I can look after him if anything happens. You know what I mean? Just like in high school. When I'm around he doesn't go crazy with it anymore and, also I would never leave him.... a lot of people see a person OD and run away... I would never do that.

So I talk to him and stuff but like I said ... you can't talk people out of selfdestruction, they have to see reason on their own... when they do, then they will ask for help.

bountyx · #3 (**permalink**) 12-13-2004, 09:31 PM

Wow. That's a mouthful.

I can't understand why someone would get started on those things though, especially now, when the effects are so well publicized and visible in society. I guess the substance abuse is symptomatic of some deeper problems. The thing is to figure out what that deeper problem is.

Blingee$ha · #4 (**permalink**) 12-13-2004, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bountyx

Wow. That's a mouthful.

Yeah it was long as usualy, but I made my points (answered the questions posed) in the first paragraph.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bountyx

I can't understand why someone would get started on those things though, especially now, when the effects are so well publicized and visible in society. I guess the substance abuse is symptomatic of some deeper problems. The thing is to figure out what that deeper problem is.

Why they would do drugs to begin with, I already toucherd on really which is to distract them or make tem "numb"... the REASON for that is what you said... the deeper isue they haven't addressed.

Basically, you can't get them address these issues. They have to WANT that for themselves. Usually they don't fully comprehend or acknowlage the effects that substances have on their lives, and the people around them .... so until they do fully understand that.... they will not ask for help. You can't help one who doesn't want help.

Told that story because I felt to get it off my chest to be honest... this dude stresses me out with his crap. I love him as a friend but gotta draw away sometimes cuz substance abusers hurt the people around them (by hurting themselves) and don't even know it.

bountyx · #5 (**permalink**) 12-13-2004, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BASHMENT GIRL

Told that story because I felt to get it off my chest to be honest... this dude stresses me out with his crap. I love him as a friend but gotta draw away sometimes cuz substance abusers hurt the people around them (by hurting themselves) and don't even know it.

I can just imagine what it must be like for family then.

Mair · #6 (**permalink**) 12-14-2004, 09:20 AM

Quote:

I guess the substance abuse is symptomatic of some deeper problems. The thing is to figure out what that deeper problem is.

Sometimes it's not even that complex. An person with an addictive personality who partakes in recreational drug use, often finds themselves unable to stop.

Quote:

How can you tell when they have a problem?

Sometime's its very subtle. It's called, "the Functioning addict" (those are the worse if you ask me) Unable, or unwilling to stop the maddness, using the excuse of, "well, I still get up for work every day." blablabla

Quote:

What can you do to help them?

Quit enabling them. If you have a relative which you know has a problem with drugs or alcohol, and they ask you to borrow money... don't give it to them. If this person has been evicted from their apartment because scoring the next bag was more important than paying the rent, don't give them a place to go. This goes for people's children as well. Unfortunately, this is the ugly part of the whole mess... the good guy has to turn into the bad guy. If the addict doesn't ever reach their "bottom" than they will never acknowledge their problem.

bountyx · #7 (**permalink**) 12-14-2004, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mair

Quit enabling them. If you have a relative which you know has a problem with drugs or alcohol, and they ask you to borrow money... don't give it to them. If this person has been evicted from their apartment because scoring the next bag was more important than paying the rent, don't give them a place to go. This goes for people's children as well. Unfortunately, this is the ugly part of the whole mess... the good guy has to turn into the bad guy. If the addict doesn't ever reach their "bottom" than they will never acknowledge their problem.

I guess that's "Tough Love" in practice. It really is tough, because there's always the risk that by not enabling them, you may be turning them away to face greater dangers and levels of depravity in order to support their habbit.

Mair · #8 (**permalink**) 12-14-2004, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bountyx

I guess that's "Tough Love" in practice. It really is tough, because there's always the risk that by not enabling them, you may be turning them away to face greater dangers and levels of depravity in order to support their habbit.

Turning someone away doesn't have to be complete disconnection. I guess it all depends on the situation. I'm not really down with giving personal examples, but I can tell you from experience - inside and out - that MOST people will find their way out of their hell.

The levels of addiction vary so extremely that one persons addiction may not be as intense as anothers. Just like walking a mile in my shoes might be insufferable to you but a peice of cake to someone else.

I've been in situations where I've had to tell a loved one that they were not to come to my house. I left this person with no where to go, literally sleeping behind buildings. He'd burned every bridge in his life and no one wanted to have him around because of his alcoholism. This same person, because of my actions has been clean for 9 years now. When he came to me to ask for help, I hooked him up with help. That was my duty. Yeah, its a risk. No it might not work with everyone, but trust me when I say that if I'd let him come home he would still be a raging alcoholic.

<-hehe

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