Black Man/Woman's Guide to Understanding Each Other - Page 2 - Jamaica Talk

Alex4Ja · #16 (**permalink**) 08-26-2009, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abiyah tehila

Thank you all for your very open, honest and enlightening responses..this is how we learn and grow from one another. I agree about both being submissive in a relationship.....My problem was ok who does wear the pants and who is the man....Woman was not made for that role and IMHO we as woman should let the man be the man and allow him to lead and guide and not to say that we have to blindly follow I am not saying that at all. However, we can add to the decisions and other matters pertaining to the home/relationship etc.

My man treats me like a queen and lets me have my say in the relationship and I respect him for that I just know me and I was never taught the correct way and so I played the role of the man and now I know better; I cannot do that because the Most High did not make me that way.

Like some men are just henpeck and to me that is a problem.

Ahemm!!!
My wife may wear pants sometimes, but I wear the pants ALL the time.

Hotteach · #17 (**permalink**) 08-26-2009, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abiyah tehila

Thank you all for your very open, honest and enlightening responses..this is how we learn and grow from one another. I agree about both being submissive in a relationship.....My problem was ok who does wear the pants and who is the man....Woman was not made for that role and IMHO we as woman should let the man be the man and allow him to lead and guide and not to say that we have to blindly follow I am not saying that at all. However, we can add to the decisions and other matters pertaining to the home/relationship etc.

My man treats me like a queen and lets me have my say in the relationship and I respect him for that I just know me and I was never taught the correct way and so I played the role of the man and now I know better; I cannot do that because the Most High did not make me that way.

Like some men are just henpeck and to me that is a problem.

Interesting post here to....as a single mother..I have to be both mother and father to my boys and I run the household. I do it all. So when i marry and live with some one, I wonder if this will present a challenge for me to be able to allow someone else to run things....since i am used to having that role.....because i have had to.

Abiyah tehila · #18 (**permalink**) 08-26-2009, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hotteach

Interesting post here to....as a single mother..I have to be both mother and father to my boys and I run the household. I do it all. So when i marry and live with some one, I wonder if this will present a challenge for me to be able to allow someone else to run things....since i am used to having that role.....because i have had to.

Yes HT me too I have had to play the mother/father role and my mother and grandmother before me and so that is all I know how to do. Now being in this relationship and seeing how it feels to have the man to play the role he is suppose to it is a challenge as I stated in my original post. I know in my prayers I was like I am so tired of being the head and playing both roles...like they old adage goes be careful what you pray for you just may get it.

Hotteach · #19 (**permalink**) 08-26-2009, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abiyah tehila

Yes HT me too I have had to play the mother/father role and my mother and grandmother before me and so that is all I know how to do. Now being in this relationship and seeing how it feels to have the man to play the role he is suppose to it is a challenge as I stated in my original post. I know in my prayers I was like I am so tired of being the head and playing both roles...like they old adage goes be careful what you pray for you just may get it.

Well that is sooo true. I think many woman face this challenge.....and what she referring to in her speech, how for so long many Black women have filled these roles and face this challenge...so there is merit to what she says.......But women are strong and survivors when a man isn't around to do what needs to be done they do it..... why let irresponsible men off the hook too often they are the reason this happens and now women have reacted by adapting.....and this is the consequence.

Groovy144 · #20 (**permalink**) 08-26-2009, 07:52 PM

I must say that my wife is a very strong, independent woman. I fell in love with her because of her strong character. However, I have to admit that I have a very strong personality as well. My mantra has been, "I want what I want...when I want it...How I want it...and where I want it...and nothing else will do".....yet in marrying this sweet woman, who was willing to walk into her role as a wife submitting to her husband, there were challenges. Even though she was willing to submit, she had her moments where past experiences caused her to want to show that she was independent and refused to give in totally to any man beyond a certain point. However, when she realized that I would continue to love her totally...unconditionally, and that I always had her best interest in mind, she was finally able to let go and trust me in everything, and everyway. There were times that I did have to stand firm and let her know that she could not ride rough shot over me....however, I did so in love. In marrying this angel, I have come to realize that compromise is the key. There are times, that she responds to me with "yes sir, you are right...you are my husband".....and there are times that I respond, "yes ma'am, you are right....you are my wife". That makes life with her just the more pleasing. So, to sum it all up....we are both strong characters, who enjoy having our say. But at the end of it all, we have come to realize that there is something much more important to each other than having the last say. It is our love for each other and our family, and that serves as a catalyst towards compromise. As I said, to a colleague some time ago; I wear the pants, but she irons them....that makes us equally responsible for the outcome. I love you Mrs. G. You are my angel, and always shall be!!!!! This qualifies as my usual yearly post.

bountyx · #21 (**permalink**) 08-26-2009, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Groovy144

I must say that my wife is a very strong, independent woman. I fell in love with her because of her strong character. However, I have to admit that I have a very strong personality as well. My mantra has been, "I want what I want...when I want it...How I want it...and where I want it...and nothing else will do".....yet in marrying this sweet woman, who was willing to walk into her role as a wife submitting to her husband, there were challenges. Even though she was willing to submit, she had her moments where past experiences caused her to want to show that she was independent and refused to give in totally to any man beyond a certain point. However, when she realized that I would continue to love her totally...unconditionally, and that I always had her best interest in mind, she was finally able to let go and trust me in everything, and everyway. There were times that I did have to stand firm and let her know that she could not ride rough shot over me....however, I did so in love. In marrying this angel, I have come to realize that compromise is the key. There are times, that she responds to me with "yes sir, you are right...you are my husband".....and there are times that I respond, "yes ma'am, you are right....you are my wife". That makes life with her just the more pleasing. So, to sum it all up....we are both strong characters, who enjoy having our say. But at the end of it all, we have come to realize that there is something much more important to each other than having the last say. It is our love for each other and our family, and that serves as a catalyst towards compromise. As I said, to a colleague some time ago; I wear the pants, but she irons them....that makes us equally responsible for the outcome. I love you Mrs. G. You are my angel, and always shall be!!!!! This qualifies as my usual yearly post.

Groovy, mi nuh know weh yuh a chat 'bout. Everybaddy know seh a stalk Mrs. G stalk yuh till yuh resistance break down.

Good to see you bro.

Groovy144 · #22 (**permalink**) 08-26-2009, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bountyx

Groovy, mi nuh know weh yuh a chat 'bout. Everybaddy know seh a stalk Mrs. G stalk yuh till yuh resistance break down.

Good to see you bro.

LOLOLOL.....yeah...that is pretty much how it happened......and she reminds me EVERYDAY!!!!!

Stay Blessed Bounty!!!

Abiyah tehila · #23 (**permalink**) 08-26-2009, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Groovy144

I must say that my wife is a very strong, independent woman. I fell in love with her because of her strong character. However, I have to admit that I have a very strong personality as well. My mantra has been, "I want what I want...when I want it...How I want it...and where I want it...and nothing else will do".....yet in marrying this sweet woman, who was willing to walk into her role as a wife submitting to her husband, there were challenges. Even though she was willing to submit, she had her moments where past experiences caused her to want to show that she was independent and refused to give in totally to any man beyond a certain point. However, when she realized that I would continue to love her totally...unconditionally, and that I always had her best interest in mind, she was finally able to let go and trust me in everything, and everyway. There were times that I did have to stand firm and let her know that she could not ride rough shot over me....however, I did so in love. In marrying this angel, I have come to realize that compromise is the key. There are times, that she responds to me with "yes sir, you are right...you are my husband".....and there are times that I respond, "yes ma'am, you are right....you are my wife". That makes life with her just the more pleasing. So, to sum it all up....we are both strong characters, who enjoy having our say. But at the end of it all, we have come to realize that there is something much more important to each other than having the last say. It is our love for each other and our family, and that serves as a catalyst towards compromise. As I said, to a colleague some time ago; I wear the pants, but she irons them....that makes us equally responsible for the outcome. I love you Mrs. G. You are my angel, and always shall be!!!!! This qualifies as my usual yearly post.

This is me as well....very strong and independent I had to be because of my upbringing...... Very Nice my brotha thank you for your input and I wish eternal martial bliss for you and your wife....Peace

Hotteach · #24 (**permalink**) 08-26-2009, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Groovy144

LOLOLOL.....yeah...that is pretty much how it happened......and she reminds me EVERYDAY!!!!!

Stay Blessed Bounty!!!

Its no wonder she stalked you.....you always say the most beautiful things about her....

Abiyah tehila · #25 (**permalink**) 08-26-2009, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hotteach

Well that is sooo true. I think many woman face this challenge.....and what she referring to in her speech, how for so long many Black women have filled these roles and face this challenge...so there is merit to what she says.......But women are strong and survivors when a man isn't around to do what needs to be done they do it..... why let irresponsible men off the hook too often they are the reason this happens and now women have reacted by adapting.....and this is the consequence.

Right and this is what she talks about in part two of her book...but get this when she did the first book about women and their loud mouth; abbressive self the men was like yeah cheered her on and she caught flack from the sistahs...then when she did the book about the man and his fall and not doing what he was suppose to do...then men scorned her and the sistahs cheered her on...that to me speaks volumes of how messed up some of us are when it comes to issues such as these. In the end she says is 50/50 smd time to stop pointing the fingers.

Hotteach · #26 (**permalink**) 08-26-2009, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abiyah tehila

Right and this is what she talks about in part two of her book...but get this when she did the first book about women and their loud mouth; abbressive self the men was like yeah cheered her on and she caught flack from the sistahs...then when she did the book about the man and his fall and not doing what he was suppose to do...then men scorned her and the sistahs cheered her on...that to me speaks volumes of how messed up some of us are when it comes to issues such as these. In the end she says is 50/50 smd time to stop pointing the fingers.

pointing fingers never solves anything.....in my humble opinion.

Alex4Ja · #27 (**permalink**) 08-27-2009, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bountyx

Groovy, mi nuh know weh yuh a chat 'bout. Everybaddy know seh a stalk Mrs. G stalk yuh till yuh resistance break down.

Good to see you bro.

LOL.Bounty,
How yu stay so rasta???
How yu juss a mash up mi breddren G so, Iyah?
Cho!

She might 'vae been a stalker but like the Canadian Mounties, she got her man. An 'im luv it!

Britgal21 · #28 (**permalink**) 08-31-2009, 05:48 PM

I didn't get to see the video, for some reason youtube doesn't work on my laptop. So I'm just gonna answer the question.

I'm white british, I was brought up in a household by my mum and step dad, had guidance and influence from my grandparents (I lived with them in the first few years of my life) and aunts on my mums side. My family is very old fashioned but I was brought up to be independant, have my own mind and not to be submissive character etc; only in later years did the latter come into play that I'm dominant now due to life experience, before I was like a door mat. I've had to learn some really hard lessons with me being a soft touch but this is what made me snap:

My first ever boyfriend basically was a cheater, treated me very badly and has left some mental scars that have made me insecure still to this day; so maybe it was more out of security that when I met my next boyfriend, I was very submissive with when I was 17 (my mum couldn't do much as I was nearly 18), it was very quick and fast moving relationship, I moved to be with him, ended up moving back to where I lived because I got very homesick, ended up getting engaged.... he had to have everything his own way, controlled everything and I had no say in anything, even though I was basically paying everything 50/50 and had to work overtime to afford things, there were times when I barely had any food and was going to my mums for dinner, he wouldn't help me do anything in the house and I had to do it all, I had no money to see my friends, there was no room for compromise. So one day I had enough, the icing on the cake was because he said he wanted me to get pregnant. Things had been going down hill before he had said that but I refused to do anything around the flat, making him help me. When it thankfully all ended, about two weeks before we had to leave he buggered off to his hometown, I said I would help him clean up but he wasn't to leave it all for me.... but he did and said to a mutual friend "I want that flat cleared by the time I get home"... I moved my stuff out and didn't clean much up, I left it all for him and he lost his deposit. I know I'm horrible for that, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (O: But the lesson I learned is I can't and will not be submissive entirely in a relationship.

All of my exes have been british, my current boyfriend is jamaican and I can't describe what I feel or think of him that I'm now in a very happy relationship and I never ever have met a man as wonderful or quirky as my boyfriend... I can be both dominant and submissive just like he can, if I'm passionate about something or don't/do want to do something I will make my voice heard, however if there are some things I know I can't do or know I'm not right about, admitting I made a mistake or putting my feelings or thoughts aside. We both make decisons, sacrfices and compromises etc. I wouldn't like to comment if it's different cultures as I would only really be able to comment on the few loser boyfriends I have had, but I find some britsh men are old fashioned and do tend to like women to be submissive and to be 50's style wifes. Thats just my view point, up to other people what works for them. Just doesn't work for me.

windypace · #29 (**permalink**) 11-17-2009, 03:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abiyah tehila

Question to da sistah's of ETJ...Are you/or do you have a problem with being submissive in your respective relationships? I do not have a problem being submissive.

I know in any relationship there are times for compromise; what will you compromise too and what you will not? I will not compromise my faith, my child, or my physical, mental or emotional well being.

Brothas if your woman/wife is submissive in the relationship do you use that to your advantage or do you rule with fairness?

Thanks for your responses.

By the way she did a book on the black man as well...basically she sys it is a 50/50 thing and not solely on one person. I agree!!!

YouTube - 1/5 MESSAGE TO BLACK WOMEN - SHAHRAZAD ALI

I watched the videos and typically I am very submissive in my relationships... I do not see submissivness as weakness but rather as strength... We HAVE to allow our men to be men and we HAVE to be women. I will not stand in front or behind my husband but walk at his side. Together with God, we will make our union and our family strong.

Abiyah tehila · #30 (**permalink**) 11-17-2009, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by windypace

I watched the videos and typically I am very submissive in my relationships... I do not see submissivness as weakness but rather as strength... We HAVE to allow our men to be men and we HAVE to be women. I will not stand in front or behind my husband but walk at his side. Together with God, we will make our union and our family strong.

hey sis...I heard that.....respect and thanks for your contribution.