It is hard but do I let go or keep trying.......... - Page 2 - Jamaica Talk

Groovy144 · #16 (**permalink**) 12-10-2004, 12:00 AM

I hate to say that I agree....after the baby is born, be certain that she will demand even more time, and attention from him. She may even try everything within her power to woo him back to her. She will probably hold on even tighter to him. If he is hesitating now....what will he do after the baby is born? Yes, she is in a high risk pregnancy, however, please be reminded that she has carried through most of this high risk pregnancy the knowledge that the divorce would be finalized shortly...and she survived it.....that is unlless he is telling her something different. It all comes down to this....you have to go with your instinct....and if for some reason warning bells are going off....it's always best to heed the warning....I wish you the best.....

angelker · #17 (**permalink**) 12-10-2004, 12:05 AM

girl it's all been said just wait till she has the baby and sees what happened.

MissClassy · #18 (**permalink**) 12-10-2004, 03:46 AM

Girl...
I know this is a hard one to swallow...but remember this is something that is COMING ~ not going. Once the child is here you will be playing in a totally different ball game. I am pretty sure she is not going to want to let go easily...and if he wants nothng to do with her except for his child as he says ...you best believe the pressure is going to be "on" financially (child support) and emotionally (guilt trips) administered strategically by her. If this woman is 13 years his senior I am sure she has a few bag of tricks up her sleeve that either of you have yet to see.

This "reasoning" that the relationship was a marriage of convenience I just dont buy...she was 'shaking her tail feather' at him and he was 'laying the pipe in the plumbing' seems a little too convenient to me.

The proof that they were getting it on is in the pudding or should I say the pumpkin now in the oven.

Nonetheless...like my brother Jagobi said... ( and there you've got it from a male's perspective) since you've waited a year, wait the 2-3 months for the child's birth and see how it panns out ..if he procrastinates or unecessarily drags things out or makes escuses in finalizing the divorce then move on girl....and no you are not being selfish, you are being human and being a woman who is concerned about the future of her relationship with the man for whom she deeply cares.

Above all...nuh mek him tie you out for too long...cauze yuh a nuh goat!
Peace and Blessings!

LuvJamaicanMen · #19 (**permalink**) 12-10-2004, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWEETS

I have being in a relationship with my guy since earlier this year.He is a very loving ,caring,respectful person.When we started dating he was just getting out of a marriage of convenience.The girl started to file divorce papers they went to sign and all.Shortly afterwards she informed him that she found out she was pregnant,he figure she was lying of course she brought proof.This was hard to absorb.We talked about it I decided he y you are filing your divorce this hapened prior to me so I love youand we will make the best of the situation.
She is drawing close to her due date and my heart cant take it. She is 13 years older than him, she is high risk ,this is is first child,the thing is he dont want to upset her because he is scared high risk and all it will put the babyat risk wish is true. So now he wants delay finalizing the papres untill after the baby is born , I dont know how to deal with this I want to get out,but i dont

wah me waan fi know is this...If after the baby born and is fi him....den wah?...him still plan fi divorce her or wah????

Crystal · #20 (**permalink**) 12-10-2004, 12:29 PM

I agree with Groovey144 there is something that he is saying to her that he is not saying to you. I know it may hurt you but, hold your head up and keep going forth. After all you wont be giving up something that was never yours.

I say to you be strong, and keep giong!

Nandii · #21 (**permalink**) 12-10-2004, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWEETS

So is it that I should not stress the issue to him right now?
Am I selfish for doing so, he told me I was

That sounds like he's trying to flip the script on you. I suppose you should wait until after she has the baby. If he doesn't get the divorce after she drops that rat, then leave both of those MF's in their misery.

Nandii · #22 (**permalink**) 12-10-2004, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWEETS

Convenience for him

They had a real bad relationship.She is 13 years his senior so it was hard for him since she did most of the dictating.But now she been pregnant she has calmed down and said she is not the same so he should come back.

Did she also pay most of the bills? If so, let him go BACK! Because you best believe you will be helping to pay for his child support in one way or the other after that baby arrives. He's still legally married, so if you marry him after he divorces her, the courts will count YOUR income as well to determine the child support payments. His bills and responsibilities will also become yours. Do you want that?

Blingee$ha · #23 (**permalink**) 12-10-2004, 10:02 PM

A lot of what's been said here is good. Although I'm really in agreeance with what Crystal posted so far.

One thing I'd like to say is that regardless of whether they get divorced or not, after the baby has arrived, matters will only become more complicated. Even if they decide not to be together (which I can't say looks likely in this situation) they are still bonded for life by this child. They have to keep a certain type of relationship to parent this new life.... are you going to be comfortable with that?

Also, if he was SO intent on divorcing her... then why was he sleeping with her while he was with you? Furthermore, if he felt that marriage was on rocky ground and wanted to leave it, why would he not only sleep with her but put himself in a postition to get her pregnant by not using protection? Was he actuallhy trying to work things out with her, but telling you something different? I think this DOES matter a lot.

Sweets, make sure you are not an escape goat for him. ? Make sure that he isn't keeping you around so that just in case he does get divorced, he has you there as back up. I think, this is a time where you should evaluate whether or not you are fit to deal with the roller coaster ride ahead for the next 18 years of this man's life, and if you want to be apart of it.... Or if it is time for you to cut your losses, and look for a man more worthy of your love.

Crystal · #24 (**permalink**) 12-11-2004, 12:33 PM

BASHMENTGRIL: I could not have said or added anymore you hit nail on the head!

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