Those Wretched In-Laws - Jamaica Talk

Alex4Ja · #1 (**permalink**) 08-10-2009, 02:13 PM

As a father with a college age daughter, though I have never had the issue , i cant help but wonder about it...

Have your child ever had a friend (Boy or Girl) that you realize that your friend was fond of, but for one reason or another, you didn't like them?
Did you voice that concernt to your child?

While growing up, did either of your parents dislike your boy/girlfriend?
Did they actually tell you?
Did they forbid you to be associated with them?

Did your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner get along with your parents and siblings?
If not, was family gathering ever an issue?

lbelly · #2 (**permalink**) 08-10-2009, 02:36 PM

My kids aren't old enough for me to have expierienced that yet

Alex4Ja · #3 (**permalink**) 08-10-2009, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lbelly

My kids aren't old enough for me to have expierienced that yet

Presumeably, you have only read the first few lines of the OP.
Dats aarite.

lbelly · #4 (**permalink**) 08-10-2009, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex4Ja

Presumeably, you have only read the first few lines of the OP.
Dats aarite.

no i was going to ansa the rest, but i got busy and then forgot, sorry! My parents only met 3 of my boyfriends, including the current one...The looooved my husband, after they got over the whole American Black thing..but they absolutely loved him..hell, they didn't really get to know him until after i had my son! My boyfriend before that, my mom hated cause she thought he was ugly..and my current, they only care that he loves my kids, which he does, so they like him...lol, my father didn't even look at him for the first two years, the first time he spoke was Thanksgiving of last year...that's all my bf could talk about..."Did u see?! He actually went out of his way and spoke to me and actually shook my hand!" lol

lbelly · #5 (**permalink**) 08-10-2009, 03:06 PM

Now me on the other hand, with my husband's family..i let them go on with they BS until he got sick..when that happened, they had to go through ME for everything...and i pretty much told them all where to go with they simple minds! lol With his permission of course!

Alex4Ja · #6 (**permalink**) 08-10-2009, 03:14 PM

My daughter's mother and I were high school sweethearts but her mom wouldnt accept me. She didnt exactly dislike me but she felt that i was not of the required "social status" for her daughter. Even after we got married she often try to show an indifference but soon realize that it was not where I was coming from but where i had intended to go.
She was very instrumental in our eventual separation.

My family has never shown a bad face to anyone that I ever introduced to them. Our general philosophy is "Whatveer is goiod for him/her, is good fr us" ...until there is a justified reason to feel otherwise.
We are like that.

lbelly · #7 (**permalink**) 08-10-2009, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex4Ja

My daughter's mother and I were high school sweethearts but her mom wouldnt accept me. She didnt exactly dislike me but she felt that i was not of the required "social status" for her daughter. Even after we got married she often try to show an indifference but soon realize that it was not where I was coming from but where i had intended to go.
She was very instrumental in our eventual separation.

My family has never shown a bad face to anyone that I ever introduced to them. Our general philosophy is "Whatveer is goiod for him/her, is good fr us" ...until there is a justified reason to feel otherwise.
We are like that.

Awe, thats a shame, yup, family will sure do that to u, if u let them...My husband never knew about the whole indian/black thing, he was such a great person, everyone loved him...My fam knew i wasn't going to settle for a nice indian boy and my father was a regular hard working man, so no surprise that i didn't marry for status..hell, my mom had my older sister when she was young, the dad's parents sent him away because they didn't think my mother was good enough for him...just silly, i always think, i mean i love my dad to death, but u know, he wasn't the best husband and i tend to think what would my mom's life would be like if she was able to be with her first love

Alex4Ja · #8 (**permalink**) 08-10-2009, 08:49 PM

So without provocation, would you tell your sibling if you didn't like their boy/girlfriend, lover, spouse?

JASpice · #9 (**permalink**) 08-11-2009, 01:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex4Ja

So without provocation, would you tell your sibling if you didn't like their boy/girlfriend, lover, spouse?

Yes!! I have done that a million times over!!

I pride myself on a good judge of character and I haven't been wrong with others choices so far!

As for your original question.... my mother is the type to love the guy if I do, but when I'm upset or angry... then she is my best advocate..even if she shouldn't be!

My father... I think he's always liked the other more then me!! LOL

Actually, he's great.. he doesn't judge and is very accepting.

When my children are older... I dunno. Not sure if I want to think about it yet!! LOL

Mars13 · #10 (**permalink**) 08-11-2009, 08:01 AM

[quote=Alex4Ja;569393]As a father with a college age daughter, though I have never had the issue , i cant help but wonder about it...

Have your child ever had a friend (Boy or Girl) that you realize that your friend was fond of, but for one reason or another, you didn't like them? Not there yet...my child is still a baby

Did you voice that concernt to your child? I would !

While growing up, did either of your parents dislike your boy/girlfriend? Of course...the only girlfriend my parents actually liked was my high school sweetheart 10 years ago (which I had to break up with 'for other reasons'). One girlfriend wasn't too pretty for them, the other was too young and came from a troubling family and the other wasn't of the right family class as 'us' they used to say!!! They didn't even like my wife as a matter of fact for the reason that her family wasn't again of class and wouldn't contribute (financially) as much as my parents would!

Did they actually tell you? Obviously...Yes!

Did they forbid you to be associated with them? No, they told me their concerns, worries and reasons behind their opinions. Having said that they would just nag nag nag nag and if ever came a confrontation of my 'unliked' gf with my parents they would act normally (oummfff).

Did your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner get along with your parents and siblings? Not really, as I mentioned above they didn't approve of my wife but everything got better once we gave them a grandchild!

If not, was family gathering ever an issue? Family gatherings were always subtle,calm and these feelings of disapproval would not be metnioned at all

My advice would be to mention to your child your concerns and your reasoning behind these. Leave the rest to your child's judgement and most often they do realise themselves. Other than that I think it would be very un-constructive and may have a boomerang effect on your relationship with your child if you forbid them to see the friend/bf/gf that you have your concerns about.