Moving in with him..... - Jamaica Talk

Blingee$ha · #1 (**permalink**) 11-30-2004, 01:28 PM

So my friend uses my B-Day gathering as an opportunity to tell me she's done exactly what I told her not to do!

She has been in a volatile realtionship for a few months now! She caught the guy cheating and to win her back he asks her to move in! So he told her to get a place for the both of them by around Nov/Dec.

I told her first off, he's already messed up ... what does she need to move in with him for? Then I said... Christmas is a stressful time financially ... the last thing you want to do is commit to new financial obligations in the middle of Christmas!

Well guess what she does? Well now they are fighting every chance they get ... anmd guess who caught dude messing up again after 3 weeks of living together..... can someone help me please!!!! Seriously... what do I tell her! I know she wants an ear... but she asks for advice, I give it, she ignores it. So I've told her to stop complaining about the situation to mre because she quite obviously is willing to accept that trash ... rather than be alone, and nothing I say or do is going to help her! (I didn't say it like that though) So she won't quit the belly aching.... is it time for me to get call block and block her from calling my line? I don't wanna that's not a friend thing to do, I wanna be there for her... but she's stressing my @$$ out...and it's Christmas... I'm stressed enough with out her soap opera life style!

SWEETS · #2 (**permalink**) 11-30-2004, 02:35 PM

Bashment I have learnt in live that regardless of how others may see your man , untill you face the true reality of the man's fault you will continue to over look his fault ( you meanining women in general) The saying is true love is blind.Alot of us women love to settle for one reason or the other. I have a sister no matter what her husband does to her she finds an escuse for him.Yet she is quick to have some negative saying about another persons spouse. You can give your friend as much advice as possible, but untill she open her eyes to who her man is then you are fighting a loosing battle. I have learnt that a tiger never changes his stripes. Words are wisdom, give her as much as you possible can.Empower her as much as you possible can with positive vibes.Still be her friend,right now she feels scared for more reason than one.Feed her courage to get out of the situation or fight while in the situation.Peace

Blingee$ha · #3 (**permalink**) 11-30-2004, 03:03 PM

Yeah I understand that, I've been there before! At the same time I didn't ball to my friends because I knew that I was trying to make it work when I should have been leaving him! Eventually I just left on my own accord! I didn't harrass my friends with the sme stories all the time! Basically I want her to feel comfortable expressing her feelings, but I don't wanna be her counselor any more because she doesn't listen and it's stressing me out to watch her go through this foolishness!

Nandii · #4 (**permalink**) 11-30-2004, 03:41 PM

I know exactly how you feel, Bashy. I've been there before as well. The reality is that you are being a good friend by being honest with her, but that's not really what she wants. She wants you to tell her what SHE wants to hear and that's not fair at all. She seems to have no regard to how her complaining is affecting you. She just wants to make sure that you are that ear she can lean on to complain to as well as receive advice from. It will be hard, but it would be best for you to just be honest with her but try to say it as nicely as you can. Do you know how she would react to hearing that he is cheating again? Would she hold it against you? Those are hard questions to answer but you know your friend better than any of us. But, I can tell you that her behavior is very selfish. She already knows how you feel about him. To come time and time again with the same sad story is ridiculous because she already knows what you really think. It's like she wants you to lie to her just to make her feel better about her jacked up relationship. A REAL friend tells you the truth, even when it hurts. She needs to stop behaving like a helpless child and grow up. Afterall, she is allowing his behavior so she must like it.

SWEETS · #5 (**permalink**) 11-30-2004, 03:54 PM

I know how you feel.My friend use to date a man who lived in another state with his now wife and child .she never listened to me ,in fact I think I was some what considered to be hating.Long story short I stop tellin her what to do.She got fired from her job,started a new job,only to find out that her man was having a relationship with the new Co worker.Both she and the girl was shock.She just happen to be having girls talk and it end up they were talking about the same man. Your friend will eventually wise up.Hopefully she will do it before he really hurt her.

Blingee$ha · #6 (**permalink**) 11-30-2004, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nandii

I know exactly how you feel, Bashy. I've been there before as well. The reality is that you are being a good friend by being honest with her, but that's not really what she wants. She wants you to tell her what SHE wants to hear and that's not fair at all.

That's what I told her and I am definatley not the sort to tell a person what they want to hear, if it's a lie .. especially if it's going to hurt them in the long run!

I tried to be the ear that listened and not comment! That's usually what I do... then she starts asking me what to do. I tell her and she ignores me! I told her if she needs to talk, it's good...but to stop asking "me what to do". Then she starts telling me "Anything you say to do... I'll do it. Just help me please"

I'm dumbfunded by this girl! She need help, she knows the situation is bad, but can't let go! Listening to her makes me wanna shoot myself in the foot just for an excuse to leave!

SWEETS · #7 (**permalink**) 11-30-2004, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWEETS

I know how you feel.My friend use to date a man who lived in another state with his now wife and child .she never listened to me ,in fact I think I was some what considered to be hating.Long story short I stop tellin her what to do.She got fired from her job,started a new job,only to find out that her man was having a relationship with the new Co worker.Both she and the girl was shock.She just happen to be having girls talk and it end up they were talking about the same man. Your friend will eventually wise up.Hopefully she will do it before he really hurt her.

only time will tell

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