Anger, a weakness or stength? - Jamaica Talk

GhettoGurl · #1 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 04:24 AM

So I saw a therapist yesterday for sum personal issues I am dealing with, lately my feelings & stress have been overwelming to me and I started to suffer from tension headaches and de-personalization issues (I feel as if I am living in a dream, like I am watching myself do everything but I am not really here... very weird and hard to explain).

The actual reason why I wanted to seek someone to talk to is because for me talking to a friend or family member is hard, I always watch what I say because I have had bad experiences and fear this person using the info, shared feelings, against me when it suits dem... I sumtimes regret I tell this person stuff. Kristi, Jelakins, Hotteach thank you all for just listening when I am down & out 1stP & MissB, you two have been there for me too at times.. Thanx.

So henyways... She asked me if I was angry and at first I told her no.. I am not.. a little later in the convo she said sumthing that pissed me off and instead of getting pissed I sucked it up, I guess my facial expression changed for a brief moment and she noticed.. she asked me if that made me angry and again I said no.. she proceded by asking me why I dont allow myself to get angry, I blurted out that I think that showing anger is a form of weakness...

When I thought about this... My former boss whom I had been working with since 2003 until March wha gwan deh suh, always used to tell me not to show people that they pissed you off, that when you do its like you stand infront of dem naked and showed all ur weak spots, I always thought she was right.. so when I would get angry I would fix my posture, suck it up, and sumtimes defend myself professionally or just move on like nuttn ever happened...

I found out yesterday that this doesnt work for me.. neidda do I support my ex-boss's philosophy in regards to this issue any longer.

I was hurt and I am angry, I am not just angry, I am furious and I am no longer only gonna post "I am mad and upset" in the admit thread and call it a day.. I have rights to be mad, I have feelings too although I hid dem for years and years, from now on in my life when I get pissed off I am tell this person EXACTLY what I feel.. to me anger is no longer a weakness, its a strength, a sign that I think I am worth too much then to put up with the **** that provoked it, I am defending MYSELF because I dont think its right..

I feel ashamed for all the numerous times I watched my mom (for instance) and many other people get angry and all I could think was d@mn, they are weak.... I am angry, hurt, disgusted I am gonna mek dem kno too.. dont mess with GG, I do NOT deserve to be treated this way and I am not gonna stand by and watch other people take advantage of the fact that I normally let everything slip as a "no biggie" and move on, this doesnt take away the fact that I still believe in forgiving and that I might not be mad anymore tomorrow BUT when smaddy pisses me off mi ah guh mek dem kno, r@ss dem tink seh dem can get away wid everyting eh? My anger is no longer a weakness, its a strength cuz if I dont defend myself, who the heck will?

So do you think anger is a weakness or a strength?

1stParadigm · #2 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 04:30 AM

I see it as neither, its a natural emotion, the actions that transpire from anger can be analysed as strength or weakness.

blakboitoi · #3 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 04:31 AM

beautifully said GG. it is human to feel anger, its how we deal with it within ourselves and others that makes us different. it only becomes a problem when anger leads to violence. anger has to come out whether its through words, tears or violence. personally i prefer the first two

good luck with the therapy, i hope it works for you.

GhettoGurl · #4 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 04:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

I see it as neither, its a natural a emotion, the actions that transpire from anger can be analysed as strength or weakness.

True.... but then I ask myself what does weakness mean on an emotional level?

blakboitoi · #5 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 04:33 AM

but to answer the question...

its only a weakness when anger comes out as violence. we all want to physically lash out at times but it takes strength to keep it in check.

GhettoGurl · #6 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 04:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blakboitoi

beautifully said GG. it is human to feel anger, its how we deal with it within ourselves and others that makes us different. it only becomes a problem when anger leads to violence. anger has to come out whether its through words, tears or violence. personally i prefer the first two

good luck with the therapy, i hope it works for you.

I was feeling like I was starting to get violent and hostile, so thats why I went out looking to blow off steam at the therapist I have been down that road once or twice , didnt work for me

blakboitoi · #7 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 04:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GhettoGurl

I was feeling like I was starting to get violent and hostile, so thats why I went out looking to blow off steam at the therapist I have been down that road once or twice , didnt work for me

so youve shown strength. you made a conscious decision that you had anger and needed to release it in the most positive way. good 4 ya

1stParadigm · #8 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 04:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GhettoGurl

True.... but then I ask myself what does weakness mean on a emotional level?

It means different things to different people....I believe it is only the individual himself that can decide if something is a weakness for them, it's not up to someone else to do. For me if there is something in my behaviour that prevents me or others from moving forward and hinders progress in achieving positive goals and objectives then I consider it to be a weakness for me or an area for development as I love to term it with clients, sounds less negative.

GhettoGurl · #9 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 04:41 AM

hehe Cheer on the angryness

GhettoGurl · #10 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 04:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

It means different things to different people....I believe it is only the indivudual himself that can decide if something is a weakness for them, it's not up to someone else to do. For me if there is something in my behaviour that prevents me or others from moving forward and hinders progress in achieving positive goals and objectives then I consider it to be a weakness for me or an area for development as I love to term it with clients, sounds less negative.

LOL, hey thats smart, I think ima use that

I guess for me its hard to deal with, I dont like to show anger.. but I am sick of pretending I am fine with everyboy pissing over me all the time

This therapist now suggests I should write an angry letter, I dont have to send it.. but atleast write it... wonder what kind of sick stuff that is gonna bring out in me

1stParadigm · #11 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 04:55 AM

We all pretend that we are fine from time to time, I am in a career where I am expected to always have it together, the pressure is emense, I also have in the past operated the same in my personal life, bad move!!!....Pretending you are fine over major issues is like shaking a champagne bottle and wondering why the cork popped your eye out when you opened it........sooner or later it has to come out, the longer its pent up, the more potential there is for it to be released in a way that causes more harm to yourself and/or others.

GhettoGurl · #12 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 05:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

We all pretend that we are fine from time to time, I am in a career where I am expected to always have it together, the pressure is emense, I also have in the past operated the same in my personal life, bad move!!!....Pretending you are fine over major issues is like shaking a champagne bottle and wondering why the cork popped your eye out when you opened it........sooner or later it has to come out, the longer its pent up, the more potential there is for it to be released in a way that causes more harm to yourself and/or others.

Thats ME, described to a T, I like the champagne bokkle theory cah I compared myself last nite to a walking time bomb

I didnt knew all of this until I started getting my headaches and ****.. I first didnt believe "mental" things could lead to physical issues, now that I cant sleep and feel weird all the time I know (mind you its 5 am here )

But I can no longer push it awf like "Its no big deal" or "I'll get over it sum how sum day" if I dont deal wid it now, reprucaution will be be bigga Gots to get my cork popped LOL

1stParadigm · #13 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 05:16 AM

Its not easy facing things and seeking closure, but its essential.....and seeking closure to issues that haunt you is the key!

1stParadigm · #14 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 05:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GhettoGurl

now that I cant sleep and feel weird all the time I know (mind you its 5 am here )

So have you slept last night?

blakboitoi · #15 (**permalink**) 07-04-2008, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

Its not easy facing things and seeking closure, but its essential.....and seeking closure to issues that haunt you is the key!

amen to that.

i tried the writing a letter thing too without sending it. i also had a ceremony of burning photographs. these things helped release my feelings AT THE TIME but didnt bring closure - they just edged me a tiny bit closer on a long hard road.

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