Friendship without conditions is like a marriage without limits....
You never can tell who will end up in your bed in the morning.

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Productive,objective, mental, spiritual and intellectual enhancement fosters personal enrichment.
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LOVE LOCKDOWN

Anyone else care to add to the conditional friend syndrome?

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Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

I only have a couple of friends and the only condition is that they must not be too sensitive that I don't always wanna hang or talk to them. I could go months without seeing someone and pickup right where we left off. Not many people like that in me.

I put limits conditions and stipulations on the people I will have friendships with...

I do not put limits conditions and stipulations on the friendships themselves.

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"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies"

Proverbs 31; 10

I have two basic rules....I accept all my friends as they are no matter what
and someone who doesn't respect me is not my friend!

Every single relationship that I have must include conditions and limits.
I certainly won't present a 10-page affadavit requesting signatures; but the least of limits and conditions must contain some marked degree of respect. And there is no such thing IN MY BOOK as respecting someone unconditionally.


Maybe that's why throughout my lifetime, (except for two people) I lose very little friends. I preface all relationships with respect and keep most friends at arm distance.

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Productive,objective, mental, spiritual and intellectual enhancement fosters personal enrichment.
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I think all my friendships are "conditional" in the sense that I expect my friends to be good for me. I certainly don't put rules on my friendships, but in my opinion a true friend should build you up, not tear you down. I always do my best to keep my friends' best interest at heart (or at least make sure I'm not doing anything to actively bring them down), and I expect the same from them.

Other than that, I (try to) accept my friends for who they are. If they aren't good to me, I will slowly, or sometimes abruptly, remove them from my life. I have enough strangers and acquaintances trying to bring me down, I don't need friends to do that too....

I think friendships are conditonal. For one, it's a two way street. A friend must give as well as take from our relationship. Whether that means listening, doing things together, or just reaching out....for me, it cannot be a one way thing. I can't be doing everything in the relationship or it's really not a relationship, it's a dependence and I don't need that. Now, that doesn't mean it has to be a constant thing. I have friends I may only talk to a few times a year. It just means when it does happen, it has to be a fairly equal thing or I'm walking away.

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If you've never stared off in the distance, then your life is a shame...

what kind of rules??

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My friendship rules are simple.......

-Don't sleep with my man or ex
-Don't steal from me or my child
-Don't try to take advantage of me
-Don't switch up on me when you get around other people
-Be real.

-You have my back I have yours. The second I see that you are not as loyal to me as I am to you, I will not so much as help you with a nickel and you get droped a level down the friendship ladder.

-If i confide in you and you tell my business, you get knocked down a level on the friendship ladder, and I will not hold a single thing you've told me.

and last but not least.......

-If i hear you talk personal business about your family and OTHER CLOSE supposed to be friends, I won't share anything, let alone trust you because you've shown me who you are by this alone. You'd be more of an aquantance at that point.

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There you go!
That's exactly what I mean.

You don't have to actually spell it out to them but those rules are implied and is expected to be complied with.
I have never and WILL NEVER have a friendship that carries a banner "Anything goes".

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Productive,objective, mental, spiritual and intellectual enhancement fosters personal enrichment.
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I still say that all those things are "gathered" before an actual friendship occurs...

that is why I say I put conditions on the people I make my friends... not on the friendships that are already made.

If they have made it to the level of being my friend then I already know that I can trust them... until then... they are just an acquaintance.

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"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies"

Proverbs 31; 10

That's exactly what I was saying. I would never spell it out explicitly for them - but that's what I mean when I say "good for me" / "good to me".

Also, I feel very strongly about that last point you made UTG. I just recently had a friendship end because of something like this. She was talking terribly about friends behind their backs and when I called her out on it she ended our friendship. I assumed that if she was doing this to her friend of 25 years, she was probably doing it to me too anyway...

Not in my case.
Conditions, like the strength and quality of the friendship is established AND developed over time.

There is no "gathering" but a progressive acceptance of each others standards and principles as the friendship grows.

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Productive,objective, mental, spiritual and intellectual enhancement fosters personal enrichment.
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