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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 12:40 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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Originally Posted by Hotteach View Post
is there a way for a couple to share the same house and still be able to let eachother breathe...cause that is what i intend to figure out.....
The million dollar question Teach.....I want some replies from the couples in here or past couples.....someone somewhere must have done it
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  #32 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 12:48 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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The million dollar question Teach.....I want some replies from the couples in here or past couples.....someone somewhere must have done it
Absolutely!

I have never had a relationship with someone that wouldnt give me my space.
Maybe it's because they understand from the get-go that I am an artist and therefore need my quiet time to develop my creativity....

Then again...Maybe they are just sick of me .....sometimes.

Though I can be VERY talkative, I am often (when at home) very withdrawn.
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  #33 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 12:55 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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Originally Posted by Alex4Ja View Post
Absolutely!

I have never had a relationship with someone that wouldnt give me my space.
Maybe it's because they understand from the get-go that I am an artist and therefore need my quiet time to develop my creativity....

Then again...Maybe they are just sick of me .....sometimes.

Though I can be VERY talkative, I am often (when at home) very withdrawn.
Interesting!....thanks for sharing
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  #34 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 01:07 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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Originally Posted by Hotteach View Post
is there a way for a couple to share the same house and still be able to let eachother breathe...cause that is what i intend to figure out.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1stParadigm View Post
The million dollar question Teach.....I want some replies from the couples in here or past couples.....someone somewhere must have done it
Being the master of love and the Maestro of relationships (Yeah right!) ,allow me to answer that...

To co-habitate with someone in an intimate fashion requires clear and concise understanding of what makes each person feels at home.

There are some peope who feels only fulfilled when lounging around the house talking, sharing and caring constantly withtheir loved one.

While there is the opposite type that loves, cares and shares equally but needs intermittent moments (hours, for some days) to just be by themselves, with their thoughts or deeds.

Conflicts arise when two people in a relationship are of oposing types. One party may view the togethernes as the only escape from teh realities of life and therfore yearns for the constant physical, verbal and emotional contact.
This type often fears that too long "Out of site' may create "Out of mind".
The opposite type may see this as stifling.

While the other party may really be madly inlove with their SO, but finds their "Alone time" vital to personal growth and sanity.
Often these breif moments away rejuvinates their desie for their SO and enhances their moments together.
This type often believes in the saying "absences makes the heart grow fonder".
The opposing tyoe may see this as a sign of neglect or rejection.

Only by clearly defining which of these two you are, and by establishing a mutually reasonable style, can you have true harmony in the home.
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Last edited by Alex4Ja : 07-20-2007 at 01:09 PM.
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  #35 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 01:08 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

So Alex how exactly do you take your space when you live in the same house....can you elaborate......did you have like a private place to go....did you just go out somewhere.....wondering
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  #36 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 01:23 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

Okay here is another question.....Alex you described two different types of people and the relationship needs....do you think the opposite types can be in a relationship together and make it work......

Funny how often I say those words you used "absence makes the heart grow fonder".......I think its why LDR works so well for me.....I need to miss him a little.....I think he needs to miss me too....wondering how to create that when we live together
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  #37 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 01:26 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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Originally Posted by Hotteach View Post
So Alex how exactly do you take your space when you live in the same house....can you elaborate......did you have like a private place to go....did you just go out somewhere.....wondering
ONLY BECAUSE YOU ASKED, HT...No I would hope that you keep this to yourself, its personal....



In one context, I love to paint and draw,but hate to have people standing over my shoulders when i do. And even then, they (the observers) will eventually get bored and leave anyways. Art does not always look as wonderful in develoment as in the finished stage.

Once I take out my easel, paints, canvas and brushes, they know that I am in my zone.

In another case, I like to watch programs that most people (who I have had the fortune to be around) dont enjoy...MASH, Discovery Channel, History Channel, Science, etc. i ensure that there are sufficient TVs in the house so no one should feel that I am hogging the remote.

I ALWAYS own a lounger, one that I (and only me) sit in to watch my TV. Once I get seated, buckled up and carry out my pre-flight check of testig my remote,the air traffic controller has no choice but to clear me for take-off.

In another case, I will open up one of my computers and start working or tak ea seat and read a technical book. Even if they attempt to "disturb' me i will give y attention but very nicely explain that I must get back to what i am doing.

HOWEVER, once it comes to "together time" i give my FULL 100% attention.
i have no problems with getting up early, present breakfast in bed, or just laying in bed all day telling her "war" stories or having her talkabout her childhood.
One of my favorites was to walk on the beach with my SO (or sitting on teh porch watching the sunset) and each of us alternately say a sentence and the other person tries to make it rhyme....creating a love poem.

All in all, it requires communications on both ends and constant effort not to over-indulge in either.
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  #38 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 01:32 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

LOLOLOL Love the poetry thing......I could see doing that..... its sooooooo sappy that it would be just what i needed.....lololol

Listen If Danville ever falls off the Blue Mountain and meets his untimely demise...can i call you?
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  #39 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 01:38 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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Originally Posted by Hotteach View Post
Okay here is another question.....Alex you described two different types of people and the relationship needs....do you think the opposite types can be in a relationship together and make it work......
Funny how often I say those words you used "absence makes the heart grow fonder".......I think its why LDR works so well for me.....I need to miss him a little.....I think he needs to miss me too....wondering how to create that when we live together
Absolutely!
Once again...its clear communications.
I dont mean the little petty after-lovemaking talks that you have to wile the time away. I mean an objective, sit-down, stare-in-you-eyes, conversation about what you expect, require, need in a "live-in" relationship.

They also need to be clear, the length of 'together' or 'alone' time that one requires to feel wholesome.
when these times come, it will be necessary to confirm that the other party clearly understand that such time is the one you agreed upon. Over time, this wont be necessary as the other party will sense it and act accordinngly.

HOWEVER, there is nothing wrong if one party on occasion "violate' that rule, by invading the others space or breaking away during a needed 'together' time.
Just as long as the disruption proves productive, fulfilling (hmmmm ) not consistant and abused.
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  #40 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 01:42 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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Originally Posted by Hotteach View Post
LOLOLOL Love the poetry thing......I could see doing that..... its sooooooo sappy that it would be just what i needed.....lololol

Listen If Danville ever falls off the Blue Mountain and meets his untimely demise...can i call you?
call mi annytime, sweet 'art...

As a matter of fact...<whispering>Yu want mi fi push im?


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  #41 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 01:51 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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Originally Posted by Alex4Ja View Post
Absolutely!
Once again...its clear communications.
I dont mean the little petty after-lovemaking talks that you have to wile the time away. I mean an objective, sit-down, stare-in-you-eyes, conversation about what you expect, require, need in a "live-in" relationship.

They also need to be clear, the length of 'together' or 'alone' time that one requires to feel wholesome.
when these times come, it will be necessary to confirm that the other party clearly understand that such time is the one you agreed upon. Over time, this wont be necessary as the other party will sense it and act accordinngly.

HOWEVER, there is nothing wrong if one party on occasion "violate' that rule, by invading the others space or breaking away during a needed 'together' time.
Just as long as the disruption proves productive, fulfilling (hmmmm ) not consistant and abused.
I agree 100% about the clear communication thing......in my marriage.....my ex used to manipulate and lie in order to get the space he needed, because he never had faith that i would just give it to him if he was honest about it.....so we always fought about the manipulation and then he would act like it was because I wanted to keep track of him...he never understood that if he just communicated honestly I would have been able to give him what he needed....I think that trust is key here.......because you really have to trust eachother enough to know the "space" has nothing to do with the other person...its a personal need.....and if either party starts to veiw it as a need to be away from them....its the beggining of the end.
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  #42 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 02:01 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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Originally Posted by Alex4Ja View Post
call mi annytime, sweet 'art...

As a matter of fact...<whispering>Yu want mi fi push im?

Always such a romantic....lololololol
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  #43 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 04:03 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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Only by clearly defining which of these two you are, and by establishing a mutually reasonable style, can you have true harmony in the home.
I'll bear this in mind!!
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  #44 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 04:11 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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Originally Posted by Hotteach View Post
Okay here is another question.........do you think the opposite types can be in a relationship together and make it work......
Thats the common factor with my girlfriends who have good marriages, they are total opposites to their husbands isn't that strange or is it??
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  #45 (permalink)  
Old 07-20-2007, 04:27 PM
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Re: I think I need a man in my life

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Thats the common factor with my girlfriends who have good marriages, they are total opposites to their husbands isn't that strange or is it??


I just think 1st that it is about trust not having the same needs......cause if you trust someone enough to really tell them what you need..and they trust you enough to know its your need and not something about them....you can give eachother that. Again this is all in theory for me....we will see if i can put it in practice....lololol
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