Originally Posted by Hotteach

Okay here is my answer 1st.......I have been divorced for about 8 yrs....I have lived alone for all of that time....well with my children but not with a man. I had on long term relationship in that space of time for about 4 yrs but he lived about an hour away so he was not here much, we never lived together. I am now in a long distance relationship, we talk about being married and this is my biggest anxiety about it all. I am so used to being alone doing things my way, not having to accomodate anyone.....sometimes in the dark of night in the very deepest part of my head, I worry that as much as i love him, that I won't be able to give up my independence. Or I wonder how will that adjustment be.....will I be able to make it

Originally Posted by Alex4Ja

Though I enjoy the companionship of a relationship and the solace that it brings, I TRULY enjoy my solitude.

I know in my heart that deep down I am a family oriented, "marrying" type (No shacking up for me) and so I revel in my extended hiatus for the time being; until she (whomever she may be) starts pulling on the rope around my neck.

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

You feeling me Alex!!?......There are times when I just have to be ON MY OWN........It's a must, it's a time for reflecting and actually getting to know me and enjoy me.

One of the most damaging things of my past relationship was that by the time it ended I had become M's woman and I had conformed so much to what he wanted that I had almost lost the very essence of who I was........now I have found me, that is something that I will never ever comprimise.

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

"A long time would have to be" by your own measurement. I have not been in a relationship with any man since I got saved again in July 2004, so that to me is a loooooooong time.

And I have not had to seriously consider the needs of a partner, as in share my home space, household chores, work comittments, personal interests and so on since the end of my 19 year relationship with the father of my children and that was back in 1999.

As for your last comment Windy I relate to that too 100%....... not only that I really am not sure I am ready for the committment of a relationship even though I miss the obvious benefits

Originally Posted by Hotteach

Well 1st.....I think my solution is to find a man just like me...he has been on his own for quite sometime too...he likes his space and we respect that about eachother....I know its sounds weird considering we have a long distance relationship right now, but I have no need to talk to him every single day and know where he is at every minute nor do I want him to keep that close to me...we have discussed this very issue and how it will be for us, in theory its sounds like we will be ok, but my fear......everything changes when you really live together, then he is gonna start expecting something different...or maybe I will......yikes I can't think too much about it or my might turn tail and run.....

Originally Posted by windypace

After my divorce I dated a lot but never included any of them in my "life"...

I met AJ and we dated for over a year and practically lived together... he was the first man I ever truly loved...

But that wasn't meant to be... and now... there is this other part of me that is "resistant" to the idea of letting myself fall... damaged trust is a very strange thing... and though it is wrong I can't help but think about the past when I meet someone new... I am not as "accepting" as I used to be...

I dated a few after AJ and then in February I decided to concentrate more on me and my faith... and now I just don't involve myself in things where I will have to deal with men...

Horrible though it sounds... my faith in "man"kind is seriously lacking...

I do wonder, seriously, if there are any good ones still out there...

And I also wonder at my age... if it is possible for me to compromise enough of myself to allow someone in to my life.

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

Sounds good in theory HT but as you quite rightly pointed out how will it work in practice? Will I be accepted for who/what I am or will the pressure be on to conform to the very thing that I have avoided for so long?

How will I know that both our needs can be met and things can run in harmony.......how will I know?

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

Originally Posted by manu

You can't know. Falling in live involves huge risks to oneself. It's one of the most risky things you can do, because as we all know, if you give yourself to someone, the consequences if this goes wrong are immense.

It's impossible to know at the beginning of a relationship how things will ultmately pan out, and whether this person will be right. And noone will ever be 100% perfect.

It's like anything in life, you have to speculate to accumulate. To really find true love you have to be prepared to take a risk, albeit calculated, as you get to know the person.

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

Sounds good in theory HT but as you quite rightly pointed out how will it work in practice? Will I be accepted for who/what I am or will the pressure be on to conform to the very thing that I have avoided for so long?

How will I know that both our needs can be met and things can run in harmony.......how will I know?

Originally Posted by Rewind-selector

Wow, you guys have all made good points..and are all big people with genuine feelings and have been open and honest..but are still maybe skirting issues directly.

Ok, at the expense of embarassment...let me lay...me, on the line.

I am married to a beautiful woman that I love but cannot be with. I have taken vows infront of God (even though I am not deeply religous).
The point is I have taken a risk, a huge risk loving/marrying someone in another country and throwing everything on the roll of the love dice.

There is a big chance things might not work..that we may be both hurt with trust issues: material, emotional and sexual because we are not living together. At the moment I am enjoying my life in the UK and sometimes have doubts that my UK life will get to a stage when I do not want to give that up and move over to the USA. I have a steady job, great friends and have my space.

I know that my wife has these same issues and also fears that when we finally share space we wont like it. I mean at the moment we are 'married' single people.

Sooo I hear all of you guys taking about commitment issues..try being in my situation.

Life would be so much easier falling for the girl next door... but you can never truly choose true love. Or can you?

As a married couple we are taking it day by day...but sometimes even the best days we have while together...don't outweigh the pleasure of having our own space.

Originally Posted by Rewind-selector

Wow, you guys have all made good points..and are all big people with genuine feelings and have been open and honest..but are still maybe skirting issues directly.

Ok, at the expense of embarassment...let me lay...me, on the line.

I am married to a beautiful woman that I love but cannot be with. I have taken vows infront of God (even though I am not deeply religous).
The point is I have taken a risk, a huge risk loving/marrying someone in another country and throwing everything on the roll of the love dice.

There is a big chance things might not work..that we may be both hurt with trust issues: material, emotional and sexual because we are not living together. At the moment I am enjoying my life in the UK and sometimes have doubts that my UK life will get to a stage when I do not want to give that up and move over to the USA. I have a steady job, great friends and have my space.

I know that my wife has these same issues and also fears that when we finally share space we wont like it. I mean at the moment we are 'married' single people.

Sooo I hear all of you guys taking about commitment issues..try being in my situation.

Life would be so much easier falling for the girl next door... but you can never truly choose true love. Or can you?

As a married couple we are taking it day by day...but sometimes even the best days we have while together...don't outweigh the pleasure of having our own space.

Originally Posted by Rewind-selector

Wow, you guys have all made good points..and are all big people with genuine feelings and have been open and honest..but are still maybe skirting issues directly.

Ok, at the expense of embarassment...let me lay...me, on the line.

I am married to a beautiful woman that I love but cannot be with. I have taken vows infront of God (even though I am not deeply religous).
The point is I have taken a risk, a huge risk loving/marrying someone in another country and throwing everything on the roll of the love dice.

There is a big chance things might not work..that we may be both hurt with trust issues: material, emotional and sexual because we are not living together. At the moment I am enjoying my life in the UK and sometimes have doubts that my UK life will get to a stage when I do not want to give that up and move over to the USA. I have a steady job, great friends and have my space.

I know that my wife has these same issues and also fears that when we finally share space we wont like it. I mean at the moment we are 'married' single people.

Sooo I hear all of you guys taking about commitment issues..try being in my situation.

Life would be so much easier falling for the girl next door... but you can never truly choose true love. Or can you?

As a married couple we are taking it day by day...but sometimes even the best days we have while together...don't outweigh the pleasure of having our own space.