Holiday Romance/ Meaningful Relationship? - Page 4 - Jamaica Talk

1stParadigm · #46 (**permalink**) 05-11-2007, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hotteach

Well my answer to your specific statement 1stP is that no it it isnt obvious that a man is already married and with children if he doesnt have a ring or admit that he is, how are you supposed to know.......I guess if your cynical you could assume eveyone is a liar until proven otherwise, unfortunately for me I tend to believe most people are truthful until I have a reason to believe otherwise.

Do you think that generaly women do enough to try and find out?........I believe that sometimes there are tell tale signs early on.......I also think we often see what we want to see.......I'm trying very hard to keep this as a general discussion HT but understand that obviously we have also to draw on our personal experiences.

Jomo's girl · #47 (**permalink**) 05-11-2007, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

Do you think that generaly women do enough to try and find out?........I believe that sometimes there are tell tale signs early on.......I also think we often see what we want to see.......I'm trying very hard to keep this as a general discussion HT but understand that obviously we have also to draw on our personal experiences.

Personally, yes, I would do all I could to find out. I have to agree with Teach on that sometimes if people are not forthcoming about it, it's hard to know. Some people are very good at deceiving.

I agree completely with the tell tale signs. They are there for the most part. You just have to keep yours eyes open and heed them.

1stParadigm · #48 (**permalink**) 05-11-2007, 02:57 PM

[quote=Jomo's girl;385411]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

This part, you took out of context in this instance, 1stP.

What I meant in my post was that if the two people are in the same frame of mind and know exactly why she is coming to visit and what is happening, then it's cool.

I have a friend in JA, Kevan, who does exactly this. A Canadian girl comes to visit him a few times a year. She sends him money periodically. He's built on to his house with her money so she can stay with him when she comes. He has a car. He has nice things. She knows when she comes to visit, he will be there for her and she will be there to see him. He said it's been going on for about 10 years now. I don't condone it. I don't even like it. But, it's how it is for them. As long as they both know what is going on is what I was trying to get across.

No JG I did not take your comment out of context.......maybe you miss read my response?.........as stated often time there is an assumption that Brothers are looking for financial gain out of a holiday relationship.......just as you have examples when that does happen and its cool because all are consenting adults, (like the example you have given) I also know a number of Black men in particular who have been highly offended at women throwing gifts and cash at them in a sad attempt to buy them....so that assumption is often made and it does get my goat!

Alex4Ja · #49 (**permalink**) 05-11-2007, 03:05 PM

[quote=1stParadigm;385447]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jomo's girl

No JG I did not take your comment out of context.......maybe you miss read my response?.........as stated often time there is an assumption that Brothers are looking for financial gain out of a holiday relationship.......just as you have examples when that does happen and its cool because all are consenting adults, (like the example you have given) I also know a number of Black men in particular who have been highly offended at women throwing gifts and cash at them in a sad attempt to buy them....so that assumption is often made and it does get my goat!

Ah-hemm!
Thank you.

Jomo's girl · #50 (**permalink**) 05-11-2007, 03:07 PM

[quote=1stParadigm;385447]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jomo's girl

No JG I did not take your comment out of context.......maybe you miss read my response?.........as stated often time there is an assumption that Brothers are looking for financial gain out of a holiday relationship.......just as you have examples when that does happen and its cool because all are consenting adults, (like the example you have given) I also know a number of Black men in particular who have been highly offended at women throwing gifts and cash at them in a sad attempt to buy them....so that assumption is often made and it does get my goat!

The funny thing about that is hasn't it been going on forever in role reversal? Haven't men been accused of trying to buy love? Haven't women been portrayed as wanting to marry for money and all that? Or having a baby for the support?

1stParadigm · #51 (**permalink**) 05-11-2007, 03:18 PM

[quote=Jomo's girl;385451]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

The funny thing about that is hasn't it been going on forever in role reversal? Haven't men been accused of trying to buy love? Haven't women been portrayed as wanting to marry for money and all that? Or having a baby for the support?

Yes it has.

Hotteach · #52 (**permalink**) 05-11-2007, 04:02 PM

Well I just think that there can be signs, but when you meet someone on a trip, and they want to conseal a marriage and family from you they can do it easily. Yes here are signs, and I agree with you that some woman dont want to look at them. For me the minute I see anything shady I am out, also if things seem to perfect I get to wondering, eyes always open, but at some point you have to start trusting, and this is my struggle.

Jomo's girl · #53 (**permalink**) 05-11-2007, 05:19 PM

Teach, your post made me smile. I, too, start to wonder when things are perfect. I expect perfection. I want perfection. Yet, if I get it, I doubt. Not just relationships. Anything really. How sad is that?

Hotteach · #54 (**permalink**) 05-12-2007, 01:02 AM

very very sad Im' afraid

Luckyd · #55 (**permalink**) 05-12-2007, 01:25 AM

Hotteach, Jomos girl and 1sP you have really opened my eyes to a couple a things with this discussion. So whats the next step for persons who believe they have the person their dreams during their vacation. Any advise for those who may be looking on?

JASpice · #56 (**permalink**) 05-12-2007, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luckyd

Hotteach, Jomos girl and 1sP you have really opened my eyes to a couple a things with this discussion. So whats the next step for persons who believe they have the person their dreams during their vacation. Any advise for those who may be looking on?

Be aware of ones surroundings, heed all red flags....which are and not limited too: request for money, baby mother still around, many children from more then one ooman, perfect situation (too good to be true), marriage proposal when you have only physically been with the dude for toooo short of a time ..ie: 7 days, etc....

Woman need to be realistic and not live in a fantasy world. Fantasies are short lived and when reality hits and your too deep, it's much harder to get out. One should listen to family and friends advice (well...some of them anyhow), and....gut instinct is usually right on..listen to it!

I could say a few more things that probably would be seen as rude on here... but instead will let the rest of you use your imagination or see what others have to say.

Hotteach · #57 (**permalink**) 05-12-2007, 04:28 PM

Well I co-sign with everything spice said......but the most important thing is listen to your inner voice, we all to often ignore our own lil barrometer that we have built right into us.

1stParadigm · #58 (**permalink**) 05-12-2007, 05:30 PM

I agree with what JS and HT have both said.....I also think its important that you take time to get to know the person even more so if you are hoping it will develope into what will be initially a long distance relationship....famous Jamaican saying that applies to all relationships both near and far..."see mi and come live wid mi a two diffrent ting"!.....keep it real!!, see things for what they are not what you want them to be, a bit of fun on holiday is very different to a longterm relationship, where you may be desiring that committment the other person may not (or vice versa)......as well as listening to my heart I too would pray about the relationship, but more importantly I would listen to Gods answer....sometimes we pray for something and if we get the opposite to what we prayed for, then we think God has not answered us, when infact he has answered according to his will.......but because the answer is not what we want we ignore it until we are forced to face it through much turmoil and pain.......lastly...... for now

......you may be able to buy fun, but never attempt to buy love, it has no price!!

JASpice · #59 (**permalink**) 05-12-2007, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stParadigm

never attempt to buy love, it has no price!!

One of the best qoutes on this thread so far!!

1stParadigm · #60 (**permalink**) 05-13-2007, 04:22 PM

OK.........Lets flip the coin.......just as some men have been described as predators of possibly naive women it is a regular occurance for some women to be the predators, regularly frequenting holiday destinations for the sole purpose of picking up and using men for sex.........what say you?

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
That Ideal Relationship	Alex4Ja	Family, Relationships & Advice	114	11-13-2008 11:42 PM
how to end a relationship	jamaicanstud	Family, Relationships & Advice	35	02-05-2008 03:46 PM
A Soulful Relationship	Jelakins	Family, Relationships & Advice	17	01-07-2008 01:14 AM
Keepin Da Relationship Hot Like Fire!!!!!!!	BadBoyJ	Family, Relationships & Advice	3	03-03-2005 09:17 PM
Fundamentals in piloting a relationship	Princessblack	Family, Relationships & Advice	89	11-11-2004 10:05 PM