Well Friends, a long while ago I introduced a situation I was involved with an older gentleman... him living in New York, six hundred miles from me. Well, now it is done. I think the age difference definitely drove us apart.
in the past couple of months we have definitely grown closer, and i can definitely say that i loved him very much. but we have also had our fair share of issues - and i was beginning to feel like he liked to be so stubborn and hang up on me, and then have me be upset, the one to call him back, crying, basically chase after him.
he's gotten very upset that i have close relationships with my friends, and there were times that i went out with my friends at night, tried to call him earlier than that but never got a hold of him.. and it turned out that i was "making the wrong decision" and he doesn't want to "play no bumbocl**t" second fiddle to nobody"... i've tried explaining to him that my friends were important to me still, that i wasn't putting anybody on a scale of who was more important than who, but it didn't really go through. i asked "whats wrong with wanting to go out and have fun sometimes?"
he responded, "so talking to me on the phone isn't fun?"
how depressing, to sit at home alone and wait for a phone call!!!????
somehow we got over it....
He came into town this past monday, and we had a great time, i was so happy to see him, etc.
but after a couple of days, the issues came back (not surprisingly)
we got in to talking about our future, and me telling my mom about us. for me, it seems a little quick to tell my family about him, because its only been like 3 1/2 months, and i am in total fear of losing my entire family support system becasue of dating a man almost 3 decades older than myself... maybe i would be more comfortable telling them about him in a couple of years.... and we had this big blow up yesterday afternoon, him now complaining that I am trying to keep him and my friends separate, because we hadn't seen many of my friends all week.. well, we went out with ALL my friends on Monday, and we had some quality time to catch up on, so other invites, i declined because i wanted to spend time with him. i said "if you want, I can call people up right now, and make plans for tonight??" he responded with silence, for about 10 minutes....so i went and did the dishes, cleaned my room up, made the bed, and folded his clothes.
i came back from the bathroom and he was zipping up his suitcase.
I said, "what are you doing?" and he responded with the same question.
I said "i'm cleaning up" he said, "so am I..."
then he goes, "and you're not cleaning up, you're cleaning me out."
tried to say, "um, no!" wrong, an uncomfortable situation sometimes can produce compulsive cleaning activities in women....
we argued more, more, more, then he got on the phone, called a cab, and went to a hotel. this was yesterday, he was supposed to leave this afternoon....
i guess i'm feeling three things.
SAD
ANGRY
& i guess maybe a little RELIEVED....
i miss him already, but i just dont see how it would ever really work out long term, and i guess a blow up now is better than a year down the road or something.........
Sorry you're going through this girl. But I have to think that it is for the best that he go! He is after all 3 (three) decades older than you. There will be things that you might want to do and experience, that he's probably done already and most likely don't want to do again. He seems contolling to me,maybe I might be wrong but I am trying to read between the lines here. Take this time apart from him to ask your self these questions......are you willing to give up your friends, are you willing to let this relationship cause trouble between you and your family, are you going to be satisfied sitting at home waiting for him to call you and are you willing to give up your INDEPENDENCE? Think long and hard about it!!!!!! You are young and deserve to experience the joys of life without someone holding you back and making you feel guilty for wanting to do so. Good luck girl
dang roots, i'm sorry things went down like that. the obvious thing is that this man is very defensive. the age difference and family situation is also very complicated.
honey gave you some good insight. i wish the best for you. much love
Roots mi miss you bad....well girl what can I say is that we all got to make decisions in life.
You must decide, be with someone 30 years older....talk about early retirement ...there are many pros and cons. then the Long Distance thing you've got to deal with...your family (blood thicker than water). Then you gotta deal with the differences and constant fights.
Roots you know I'mma tell you the truth. Love is great and all but if things aint working out and the good outway the bad, then its time to pack YOUR suitcase and splert(go). Yeah I know its not easy and the heart and soul is involved, but you are young and always always always deserve better.
Hapiness now or happiness later...you choose?
Luv yu girl, peace.
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I glorify my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in all I do.
Roots first of all girl........I MISSSSSSSSSSED YOU!!! WHERE YOU BEEN GIRL!!!!!
And next....as for your situation. Like you said it totally is better to have this blowout now than after you've invested a good chunk of time in him. You're so young and vibrant and you need someone to grow and share with as you grow. Unless all you lookin' for is someone's insurance policy....which I highly doubt. Anyway you gonna be okay girl.
Its GREAT to have you back....please don't disappear on me like that again!
Ladies, Thank you so much for your consolation.... It helps. Yeah, I keep thinking that it was the right decision to make, but it does hurt regardless... I'm sure we've all had a break up that we knew was for the best, but those few days after you just miss the person so bad, and all you really want to do is talk to them about it.... but, I can't, and won't.....
The pressure to tell my family, and talk about kids, and also pressure to get into the 'business world', (aka his production company) when all i really want to do is finish up school and be a low paid social worker! (He told me that 90% of people get sh*t on by the world so i should never want to be anything besides self employed...)
I forget who mentioned it, but there would be no pension, as he is in fact self employed, and he actually doesn't have health insurance! my horoscope this month did say something about using my head instead of my romantic side and thinking about security......
Love You Girls!!!
And for those of you who have missed me, I have missed all of you like crazy!!
I have to apologize for being MIA for so long, I usually use the internet while I am at school, and school is now out for the summer... and unfortunately I have no access at home. I just moved to a new apt - and am working like 50 hrs a week doing some babysitting and full time Park Security for the city of Grand Rapids. (it sounds tough, but really i just hang out in the park all day, actually pretty boring..) Hurray for being a 'flashlight cop'!!
Hey Roots....first of all...YOU folded his clothes???I still can't get over that one. Sorry that you're feeling down though!!!I could tell you that this too shall pass but I won't coz in some cases that's crap. Doesn't mean you don't move on but a part of you may still miss him.Dat's not a crime. You may not find someone who'e necessarily a "better" person but you will find a better situation where you are more happy and less stressed. I wish you all the best girl and be sad, Angry etc if you want to be now...that ain't a crime either. Hope to see more of you!!!!
Thanks Sweet - sound and logical words you have.
and i only folded his cause i folded all mine and made my bed already, i was frustrated and had a cleaning bug take over me, LOL!
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