Forgiving and Forgetting...Part2 - Page 2 - Jamaica Talk

GhettoGurl · #16 (**permalink**) 10-24-2007, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex4Ja

The objective is not to Forget.
No one ever does.
It only sounds nice when you say it.

Sometimes it IS good NOT to forget, because in remembering, it serves as a meter in determining if you ever did truly forgive.

And if you still feel the same way when you do, then you truly haven't forgiven.

Okay so MEBE I didnt forgive then.. I move on..

Alex4Ja · #17 (**permalink**) 10-24-2007, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GhettoGurl

Okay so MEBE I didnt forgive then.. I move on..

Moving on,though seems like the best option is of no value if you are moving in circle. You will only come right back to teh same point that you are today.

Its best to deal with it in the PROPER CONTEXT, say what you have to say, give the other party (if there is one) a change to say what THEY have to say, then detrmine where you both go from there; then..and only then, move on.
AND NEVER GO BACK!

GhettoGurl · #18 (**permalink**) 10-24-2007, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex4Ja

Moving on,though seems like the best option is of no value if you are moving in circle. You will only come right back to teh same point that you are today.

Its best to deal with it in the PROPER CONTEXT, say what you have to say, give the other party (if there is one) a change to say what THEY have to say, then detrmine where you both go from there; then..and only then, move on.
AND NEVER GO BACK!

What happens when you are afraid of bringing the subject up since you never made a big deal out of it before?

Alex4Ja · #19 (**permalink**) 10-24-2007, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GhettoGurl

What happens when you are afraid of bringing the subject up since you never made a big deal out of it before?

Inform teh other party in a pleasant way, in a convenient setting, that you have an issue you would like to discuss.

You await their response ,and based upon a mutual agreed-upon time and place, you address it.

The key thing to keep in mind during that meeting is to understand that you are not there to win. I you could, you would have already.
It should be about getting it off your chest, so to speak.

If the issue concerns a past incident that has no likelyhood of a repeat, then just say how you felt; then give then an opportunity to respond.

If it also concerns a need for changes in the future, then you ASK not DEMAND it.

Dont turn it into an argument, it will only cause more grief.

If the other person is clear on how you feel, but makes it clear that they have no regrets in teh past or/and they have no intention of doing better in teh future; accept it as their own opinion (which tehy have a right to), re-evaluate your relationship with them and move on.

GhettoGurl · #20 (**permalink**) 10-24-2007, 03:29 PM

What if you know the person will get upset with you just for addressing the issue

I can not re-evaluate the friendship, I spend my life with him and I cant seem to move on

Alex4Ja · #21 (**permalink**) 10-24-2007, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GhettoGurl

What if you know the person will get upset with you just for addressing the issue

I can not re-evaluate the friendship, I spend my life with him and I cant seem to move on

Well you have to start by re-evaluating you.
If you are in a relationship that you are not able to discuss an issue for fear that the other party start sceaming at you, then you are not in a relationship...you are in servitude.

There can be no love without respect. So if you clearly are not respected then you are not loved.
And if you arent, then why are you holding on?

If you are in desperate and dependent situation then liek addiction to any drug or bad habit you jave to find a way to (proverbially) kick it.

If you need another person in your life to be somebody, then you are not a complete person.

Model Citizen · #22 (**permalink**) 10-24-2007, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex4Ja

Well you have to start by re-evaluating you.
If you are in a relationship that you are not able to discuss an issue for fear that the other party start sceaming at you, then you are not in a relationship...you are in servitude.

There can be no love without respect. So if you clearly are not respected then you are not loved.
And if you arent, then why are you holding on?

If you are in desperate and dependent situation then liek addiction to any drug or bad habit you jave to find a way to (proverbially) kick it.

If you need another person in your life to be somebody, then you are not a complete person.

you're so right

GhettoGurl · #23 (**permalink**) 07-14-2008, 02:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GhettoGurl

Bump...

I am cursed, he gets away with EVERYTHING because I forgive.. but now I am on the verge of flippin' out because I cant forget anymore HELP

Wow, cant believe it took me a whole 9 months before I actually started snapping

Bo$$ygyal · #24 (**permalink**) 07-14-2008, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GhettoGurl

Wow, cant believe it took me a whole 9 months before I actually started snapping

I think it means that you are starting to get more in control of your feelings..but 1st you hv to start flipping out or snapping off to begin the process..this means that you are going to be making some good and better decisions....

uptowngirl · #25 (**permalink**) 07-14-2008, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex93

LET'S DO IT AGAIN...

We are all too familiar with the statement "Forgive and Forget.
It rolls off the tongue so easily, doesn't it?
But as we know all to well, making that a reality is not an easy feat.

We often tell ourselves that we need to forgive in order to move on. We visualize the necesity of this based on the apparent pain that it causes us to hold on to the hurt versus the hoped relief that letting go, will bring us.

But when enveloped in the pain, is it human to roll back the pages of the "offense" over and over again in our minds? And with each "replay" does it bring on the deep seated anguish once again?

So, can we ever truly forgive and forget?

Certainly the process is much easier when the person who has hurt you is no longer in your life or your immediate presence.
But how do you deal with it when you must still see that person every day, or when you still must live with them, or worst...when you WANT to continue to be with them?

We can philosophise until the cows come home, but can we truly embrace that person and say with a smile "I forgive you".?

How do we avoid the mental anguish from re-entering our minds over and over and over again?

Truly....Can we forgive and forget?

And if so, how do we?

It depends on what you have done. For the most part I do NOT forget. I am not an easy forgiver, if you've done something reallly f'ed up, I mean reallllyyyy f'ed up, the grudge will hold until the day you leave this earth.

FM 3006 · #26 (**permalink**) 07-16-2008, 07:36 PM

Why forgive when you can just kill them?

I like to think of it as move on with your life and forget about what happened. It's up to you to make your life fulfilling. No one else.

Reggaediva · #27 (**permalink**) 07-16-2008, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex4Ja

Well you have to start by re-evaluating you.
If you are in a relationship that you are not able to discuss an issue for fear that the other party start sceaming at you, then you are not in a relationship...you are in servitude.

There can be no love without respect. So if you clearly are not respected then you are not loved.
And if you arent, then why are you holding on?

If you are in desperate and dependent situation then liek addiction to any drug or bad habit you jave to find a way outo (proverbially) kick it.

If you need another person in your life to be somebody, then you are not a complete person.

Very well said, and I think this is a hard lesson to learn. Until you learn to re-evaluate yourself, I think that patterns can and will repeat. I know that it took me a long time in relationships not to repeat the same pattern - For the first time in a long time, I truly feel that I have an honest relationship built on trust and respect.

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