__________________
I don't know much... but I know I luv you...
& that may be all I need to know!

hate to be harsh.. but u just proved my point how it doesn't work.. thats now 2 'failed' relationships... if only u had developed the mental/spiritual/emotional connection FIRST... then who knows where u wud've ended up... things might look good at the beginning but if u don't START with developing the strong connection first, then ultimately in MOST cases the relationship will not work in the long run...

__________________

__________________
I don't know much... but I know I luv you...
& that may be all I need to know!

thats ok its not harsh. but the way you look at this depends upon your view of a successful relationship. perhaps the 'norm' in society is to judge a relationship by its length. i dont necessarily subscribe to that. i'd rather have 3 or 4 fulfilling and mostly happy relationships in my life than one long one if it has past its sell-by date and we are only together for convenience/kids or whatever like very many people i see. to be together a long time means you have to grow and change together, but sometimes someone is only meant to be in your life for a period. you gain something from that for your own spiritual growth and meet someone else who helps you grow a bit further and vice versa. this is not a calculated decision but the way things happen, even if it feels bad at the time. and i dont see my 2 main relationships as failures. i gained a hell of a lot from both of them and had some great times and wish them both nothing but love and happiness.

__________________

Good, loving, relationships are supposed to last a lifetime. What is the point of telling somebody "I love you, but I only want to be with you for a year because of the sex."?

I don't care what justification people feed themselves about the matter, that kind of thinking cannot be fulfilling to a person's emotional needs. Everybody wants to have the assurance that somebody loves them no matter what, and will be there for them until they die. Any contrary sentiment is a rationalization to cover up hurt or make things seem more palatable.

That's not true. For most married couples, sex is quite frequent - even more so than for unmarried people. What you heard is a myth.

__________________
"Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake." - Matthew 5 v11 KJV

Very waggish indeed.

i don't think ur seeing my entire point... if u are in a completely loving relationship where u have that electric connection with ur partner before u engage in sex, then there would be no 'sell-by date'... the vast majority of people don't know the feeling of COMPLETELY being spiritually, emotionally, and mentally connected to their partner aside from the sexual aspect... and even if they do, in most cases its 1 sided.. what i'm saying is that if BOTH parties involved had that ultimate connection, there wouldn't be no time stamp... it would be a life-long relationship of happiness...

ur experiences seem more as friendships, because u said u've gained from them, and now have moved on... they are 'failures' in the aspect that they are now finished... u might have learned a lot from them.. thats great... but a TRUE relationship is one of a lifetime... whether u agree with that or not, thats ur own opinion... the fact that u are no longer in with somebody even after 3 or 4 'fulfilling and mostly happy relationships' means that u haven't yet found ur life partner... and even though they were 'mostly happiness' it still seems as u are not happy (at times)... there was all the 'pleasure' during the relationship.. but now seems like u have a lot of pain, loneliness, and unhappiness (as per ur posts on the forum)...

http://www.everytingjamaican.com/jam...tml#post449510

my entire opinion can be seen there... more in detail..

__________________

__________________
I don't know much... but I know I luv you...
& that may be all I need to know!

i am seeing your point hun i'm just disagreeing with it. i used to believe in happily ever after fairytales but now I am a realist as i have lived and experienced real relationships and the ups and downs of them no matter how great the connection (and i dont mean sexual) and how strong the love. people make mistakes and things that happen in life surrounding you can affect you and how your act towards your partner. in an ideal world this wouldnt be so, but its not an ideal world. i know cos i have lived it.

i have never and would never commit myself to someone in marriage without truly hoping that it would last forever. my relationships were far more than friendships and such important people in my life should not be discounted as such. and trust me the relationships were not 'all pleasure'. they were REAL relationships involving ups and downs, give and take - not fantasy relationships. and yes i feel pain now because i dont have the person i love with me anymore. that is part of the grieving process of losing someone you love and it will pass, in fact it is passing - but im not unhappy or lonely. the greatest relationship i will ever have is with myself so when im not in a relationship im fine. (apart from obviously missing sex lol).

i actually think its as irresponsible to marry before youve had sex, as it is to marry without having the mental/spiritual connection you talk about. your commiting to someone who you DONT KNOW you are sexually compatible with. and as you say you will wait till after marriage before you have sex in your post i can only presume that you havent had sex yet therefore you wouldnt know how important that sexual compatibility is. again i think its easy for people to talk about ideals but living them is an entirely different matter.

sorry for the long post.

__________________

that is not what i meant at all. i mean that in a serious relationship you dont want or expect it to end - but relationships, like life in general are a journey not a destination. as your travelling this journey together one of you may suddenly want to take an unexpected road, while the other prefers the route they are on. i hope my next serious relationship lasts forever, but if it doesnt i know ill be fine cos my happiness will not depend upon being part of a couple. yes you could say that is merely protecting myself from hurt but its not really cos i go wholeheartedly into relationships and put all my love and trust into it. i stick my hand in the fire and if i get burned so be it.

and infrequent sex after marriage is not a myth its a realistic possibility cos everyday living & tiredness with work/kids etc often takes priority over sex for some people.

__________________

__________________

no, they just speak their truth and obvsiouly your truth. theres a difference. we all have our own version of truth.

__________________

__________________

From where I am standing they speak TRUTH! from where you are standing they do not, thats why it was my name at the head of that post and not yours.

__________________

Unmarried people have jobs and other priorities too. Married people have more opportunities for having sex because they are living together (usually). Sure as time goes on, and life gets more complicated, the frequency may be affected, but it isn't marriage itself that is responsible for that. So yes, it is a myth that marriage leads to less sex.
Having sex is the most intimate thing you can share with a person. You are literally joining yourselves together as one. You are your partner are exposed on a mental, emotional and physical level. You make yourselves completely vulnerable to each other. You run the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases when you have sex. How on earth can it be irresponsible to wait until marriage, when you have a firm lifetime commitment after taking the time to know your partner, to take all that risk?



People today have this thing backward. Sex is not supposed to be a tool used to get to know people to see if they are suitable. It is supposed to be the gift after putting in the work of building that lifetime relationship commitment.

How many people have actually saved sex for marriage?

Of those who haven't, how many are currently still in a lasting committed happy relationship?

I don't think the current game plan of having sex before marriage really works out if you really want a truly happy committed relationship.

__________________
"Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake." - Matthew 5 v11 KJV

Very waggish indeed.

jesus chill. glad to see we both agree then.

__________________