Actions speak louder then words. And right now his actions dont match the words. My last trip I told him look I dont need you to marry me I dont even need you to be with me. If thats the case then hey let me know I am a big girl. And that I am. He got mad. Said that he loves me and wants to be with me but its not that easy. If I want to come to JA its about being comfortable being safe. he was very upset about the rental car and having to pay money for any damages. He was pissed. He said to me and Ill never forget " I dont want to hear whats yours is mine because you have your money and I have nothing!" Wow. He said "I cant just come to JA with money and expect to be okay. I need something that will sustain me. He needs to know he can take care of me. JA is is full of tricks and trades. I must be prepared." He was very upset and didnt want to talk anymore.
I stayed awake and was watching tv. Watching videos and a JA artist came on talking about poverty. And I got it. I am thinking about being with this man, thats easy right? Not for someone who grew up in poverty in a third world country as we call it. Someone who is from a very prideful culture who beleives that a man is the head of the household. AM I dreaming? the fact that I care about him so much will see us through?? He has always took a common sense approach to this. Says I make hasty decisions. And I guess when you dont know what tomorrow ill bring you dont make hasty decisions. Yea I lost my job okay its rough but I know there are more jobs to be had. And while I am looking I can get unemployment. And I can continue medical coverage under CObra. But imagine what its like to not know everyday if you will have a job tomorrow. To know if you loose it what will you do when jobs are not plenitful? When you dont have medical coverage or any form of help. When you live in a place that does not have a bathroom. Its just one room.
I cannot imagine. I cannot. But I got it. At least I thought. He tells me Michelle I think its fate that brought up back together, let fate take us through.